Mayim Bialik is officially a TV bride. In the May 10th episode of The Big Bang Theory, her character Amy Farrah Fowler finally married Jim Parsons’s character Sheldon Cooper. It was an event seasons in the making, and ShAmy shippers everywhere wept tears of joy. But not everyone was thrilled about filming the episode: Bialik herself had mixed feelings about the wedding arc. Not because she doesn’t ship ShAmy, but because it reminded her of her own divorce.

“While there’s a lot of excitement about Amy and Sheldon’s wedding in the season 11 finale, as a woman who walked down the aisle in real life and got divorced, it also brought up some complicated feelings,” Bialik wrote on her website, Grok Nation.

Bialik went into detail in a video on her YouTube channel, explaining why she’s not comfortable with traditional wedding dresses or trying them on, especially as a divorcée. She said that when she got married about 15 years ago, she didn’t wear a traditional dress, instead opting for a more simple vintage lace one.

“When I was at the wardrobe fitting, trying on the dresses that Amy would be trying on, I felt self-conscious. Because I’m not traditional. And it feels like maybe I wish I could be more normal,” Bialik said in the video. “Even though it’s for a character, it’s still me. It’s my body. It’s what I look like in a wedding dress. And I don’t know if that’s in my life’s journey — to be in a wedding dress again.”

During a recent interview with Vulture, Bialik went into further detail about why it made her feel “awkward.”

Bialik said she wouldn’t pick out Amy’s dress for herself, but thinks it worked for her character.

But in the end, Bialik still enjoyed marrying her TV love.

Congratulations, ShAmy!