What Logic’s 2018 Grammys performance meant to someone who struggles with depression
Sunday’s 2018 Grammy Awards showcased a number of amazing performances from artists who used the platform to bring awareness to significant social causes. Between U2 and Camila Cabello’s call of support for our DREAMers, Janelle Monáe’s declaration that time’s up on inequality, and Kendrick Lamar’s powerful statement on police brutality and the current state of society, artists didn’t sleep on any issue.
One of the most poignant moments of the night happened when Alessia Cara and Khalid joined Logic as he performed his single “1-800-273-8255.” The song is named after the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, and the live performance matched the sentiment. The three artists shared the stage with a group of people who have survived suicide attempts or lost loved ones to suicide. On their shirts, the group displayed a simple but significant message on stage — “You Are Not Alone” — words that any person who struggles with suicide and depression needs to hear.
Four years ago, I started to see a psychiatrist.
I no longer enjoyed life, even though I had an amazing job, a beautiful young family, and a bright future. I found myself fantasizing about dying — imagining different accident scenarios that would end it all, imagining the peace I thought it would bring me.
I didn’t want to kill myself; I just no longer wanted to be alive.
Six months after my treatment, I relapsed severely. I was tired of feeling tired and I was tired of living. I started to take extra sleeping pills, upping my amount slightly more and more each time in order to build up to an overdose. After an especially traumatic episode, I took enough to knock me out for what I hoped would be the final time. Hours later, I woke up — feeling sick to my stomach and crying out of fear, frustration…and gratitude.
I didn’t want to die.
I got help.
Though my depression is chronic and I will deal with it for all of my life, I made it to a good place. But I still wasn’t able to explain how my depressive episode felt. I wanted to disappear; I wanted to no longer be here. I just didn’t want to be alive.
It wasn’t until I heard Logic’s “1-800-273-8255″ that I finally found the words to describe my struggle and my recovery.
I know I’m not the only who relates to the words in his song. Every year, nearly 45,000 Americans die by suicide. For every death, at least 12 others have unsuccessfully attempted to kill themselves. Suicide caused by cyberbullying has become a public health issue that is impacting teens and women in their early 20s.
In short, this is an epidemic that needs to be talked about more, and Logic’s Grammy performance opened up a much-needed dialogue. If what Logic did on stage prevented even one suicide last night, it was worth it.
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or chat online with counselors here. All services are free and available 24/7.