Kitty Lindsay
Updated Feb 03, 2018 @ 2:20 pm
Picture of JCPenney Crock-Pot
Credit: NBC

We can’t believe that Jack’s death on This Is Us is upon us. Sure, we knew it was coming. But after the last episode ended with the Pearsons’ hand-me-down Crock-Pot setting their house ablaze, reality set in. And it’s safe to say we’re still not ready to say goodbye. But according to JCPenney, it’s time to move on — and cash in.

The department store is trying to capitalize on Jack’s death, and we are SO not feeling it. In a sorry attempt at dark humor, JCPenney tweeted a video made from the point of view of Crock-Pots. JCPenney wants you to know that Jack may have lost his life, but slow cookers are the real victims, damn it!

Just to be clear: Our beef is not with Crock-Pot. When This Is Us finally revealed how Jack dies — a lethal combination of a battery-free smoke detector and a faulty slow cooker — the appliance manufacturer released an official statement promising that Crock-Pots will not kill you.

But JCPenney, we see you. And we dislike your whole the-damage-to-Crock-Pot’s-reputation-outweighs-the-human-cost sales pitch. Do you really want to play Devil’s advocate in defense of a party that has caused so much pain?

Here’s JCPenney’s #NotAllSlowCookers video defending Crock-Pots.

You hear that? That’s the sound of women around the world slapping their foreheads in unison.

#NotAllSlowCookers? Really, JCPenney? REALLY.

#NotAllSlowCookers is likely a play on #NotAllMen, a derailment tactic that men have used to defend themselves and deflect conversations about women’s issues they don’t think pertain to them. false

And it looks like Twitter users feel the same way we do. As of this writing, the video has been retweeted just 18 times and received only 90 likes.

Yeah, we know it’s just a joke and it’s not meant to be taken seriously. But we still think you can do better, JCP!