Credit: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin / FilmMagic / Getty Images

Parenting entails a lot of unknowns, and sometimes it’s because parents don’t feel as though they can open up about everything they’re thinking and feeling…which only adds to the problem. That’s why it was both refreshing and compelling to hear Gwyneth Paltrow open up about a seldom-discussed issue that so many parents face during the April 26th episode of the Goop podcast. Namely: Sometimes our kids exhibit qualities we don’t like or that can be triggering to our own issues and insecurities — and knowing how to deal with those feelings isn’t always easy.

When speaking about her youngest child, 12- year old Moses, she said, “Mosey and I are so similar in a lot of ways, and we have the same bad qualities, so sometimes I find it really triggering with him. And I always have to think, ‘Okay, try to put a pause in between what you’re feeling and what you’re going to do or say next.'”

We have feeling a ton of parents will relate to Paltrow’s observation. Because the truth of the matter is we don’t have it all figured out just because we’re parents, and admitting that our children have traits we struggle with can sometimes feel like a taboo, or even an admission of failure.

Paltrow’s mom, Blythe Danner — who was the podcast guest — noted that she believes children are already “themselves” when they’re born, and there’s not a lot parents can do to change or shape that. Paltrow responded with, “My philosophy with my kids has been – I agree with you in that I think they come in with who they are – but then I think you can f**k it up. It’s really an art to be a parent and to try to parent consciously as opposed to out of instinct.”

Thanks for getting real about this, Gwyneth. We know you’re making so many parents feel less alone.