Gird your loins, fellow Americans, tonight was our beloved and deeply, deeply feared tri-quad-annual (ISO: brief way to say ‘something that happens three times a year every four years) political circus. And it was chock full of Donald Trump quotes from the debate that’ll make your head explode. While we always hope that debates will be a forum for hearing about the potential President’s future policies and opinions on important matters, they generally end up being about a combination of posturing and pontificating on idle gossip.
So like, y’know, your average PTA meeting. And while Hillary presented as that mom who’s had kids in the district for decades and so knows every byline, fundraising tactic, and member of the school board — Donald Trump came across as somebody’s uncle who accidentally wandered into the meeting and decided that his opinions on topics he knows literally nothing about were more important than the informed PTA members around him.
Here’s a list of the top ??? quotes from Donald Trump quotes from tonight that made us black out from rage. Isn’t this election FUN!?
1. “They will interpret the constitution in the way the founders intended it to be interpreted… it’s all about interpreting the constitution about the way it was meant to be.” Has he never heard of… amendments?
3. Every other time Donald Trump said anything about abortion, because he will never, ever have to make that choice.
4. In regards to immigration: “We have some bad hombres here.”
6. When he had the 4th grade comeback, “No, you’re the puppet. YOU ARE.”
7. This patently false statement: “During Obama’s regime, we have doubled our national debt.”
8. Every time he referenced Bill Clinton like it has anything to do with Hillary’s presidential campaign. She is NOT HER HUSBAND, DONALD.
10. When addressing the sexual assault accusations: “I didn’t even apologize to my wife who’s sitting right here.”