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Chrissy Teigen wears many hats: Entrepreneur, mother, wife, Twitter queen, amateur comedian, cookbook author, TV host, and, now, Girl Scouts Public Enemy No. 1. This week, Teigen broadcast her ranking of Girl Scout cookies to her approximately bazillion social media followers, and the results were, to put it mildly, extremely controversial.

“I did the ranking you were all too scared to do,” Teigen tweeted.

Teigen put the *arguably* five best Girl Scout cookie flavors up against one another: Samoas, Thin Mints, Trefoils, Tagalongs and S’mores. All delicious, and all easily appreciated by the sleeve-full after a long day at the office. However, that’s clearly just one person’s opinion.

Using the esteemed smiley-face scale, Teigen delivered a harsh blow.

Yeah. Teigen doesn’t like any of them.

We would better understand Teigen’s unmitigated criticism if she were ranking, say, Lemon-Ups and Lemonades (no offense if you’re into Lemon-Ups and Lemonades). But these are Samoas, Frozen Thin Mints, Straight-Outta-The-Box Thin Mints, Tagalongs, S’Mores, and Trefoils we’re talking about!

With the exception of Trefoils, which we’ve never actually heard of, these are, objectively, the best cookies humankind has ever seen.

In a later tweet, Teigen slightly amended her ranking to account for the hypothetical condition under which no other cookies existed. In this horrifying scenario, Frozen Thin Mints and Samoas rank between “Great” and “Meh” (our tags, not hers), Regular Thin Mints and Trefoils hover between “Meh” and “Angry/Disappointed,” and S’Mores lie firmly in “Angry/Disappointed” territory.

Teigen also posted her brazen opinion on Instagram, along with a game of “Kiss, Marry, Kill: Thin Mints, Tagalongs, Samoas Edition.”

To be clear, Teigen tweeted that she’s “happy to support” the Girl Scouts, but that she would not be buying their cookies for the cookies themselves. Usually we agree with almost everything Teigen says, but we’re gonna need a minute on this one.

For the record: Kiss Samoas, marry Thin Mints, kill Tagalongs.