7 things to try when you and your partner are in a sex rut
Boring sex happens to the best of us, especially if you’re in a long-term relationship. But it doesn’t have to be permanent. In fact, there are a ton of things you can do if you and your partner are currently in a sex rut — many of which can actually bring you closer together emotionally, too.
So before you despair, remember that even happy couples go through cycles, and your relationship absolutely isn’t doomed just because you’re not always in sync on a physical level.
In an interview with Cosmpolitan.com, Ian Kerner, PhD, and author of She Comes First said, “Even good sex can become routine. You may have an orgasm every time, but it’s a little mechanical and boring because it’s always by the same route.” Or sometimes busy schedules mean you keep missing each other when the mood strikes.
To troubleshoot your sex rut, here are a few things to try:
1Talk about it:
The first step to solving a problem is addressing that a problem exists in the first place. Just like the best relationships, the best sex is all about communication. Wendy Strgr, the CEO and founder of Good, Clean Love and author of Sex That Works, told HelloGiggles via e-mail that,
2Discuss your fantasies.
So don’t be afraid to share some sexual fantasies with one another. You don’t have to hop into bondage or swing from the rafters (unless you want to, of course) — a sexual fantasy can just be about trying a new position, or getting your partner to pay more attention to a certain erotic zone.
If you’re both comfortable, watching porn or an erotic movie (or reading a salacious short story together) can be super hot. It can also be extra steamy to show each other how you get yourselves off. This is a great way to introduce your S.O. to your vibrator, too.
It can be easy to fall into a routine when it comes to sex. Instead, surprise your partner and tell them it’s all about them tonight. And then make it all about them. The next day, or later that night, tell them it’s your turn.
“The combination of not really knowing how to find our own pleasure and not communicating our desires well creates the perfect scenario where we rely on our memory of what worked before. Sadly repeating the same acts over and over again often has the opposite effect,” Strgr tells us.
5Really, switch it up!
If you always have sex before bed or the same time every morning, try initiating it at an unexpected juncture. Maybe don’t do it in the bedroom at all and hop in the shower together, or get it on while cooking dinner. Changing up where and when you do the deed can add a whole new layer of excitement.
Sexting and dirty talk are a great way to get each other in the mood before you actually see each other, as well as an awesome way to keep things spicy. Make sure you’re keeping your nudes safe, but other than that, go for it.
7Take the pressure off.
It never hurts to slow things down when it comes to hooking up. Focus on the foreplay and the sensations instead of the end results. This may mean actively blocking time out of your week for sexy times, but it can be more than worth it.
Again, absolutely do not despair if your sex life has been lacking as of late. Sex ruts happen to all of us, and you and you partner can absolutely get through this.