Netflix Vs. Real Life

No matter how many times I scroll through my Netflix account, I just keep insisting on watching the same episodes of Grey’s Anatomy I’ve seen a hundred times.

And in the midst of watching one of Meredith and Derek’s hundred break-ups, I can’t help but wish real hospitals were like Seattle Grace. In fact, I think the world would be a much better place if everything was more like the reality we see on TV.

And just in case that ever actually happened, here’s my list of the top ten ways I’d like the real world to mirror the televised one:

Hot doctors (who may or may not occasionally fall in love with their patients). The sad truth about the medical profession is that it takes a LOT of school to become a doctor. You know the kind of people who think a lot of school is a good idea? Ugly people. Hence the kind of doctors we get stuck with here in reality. I’ve never once had a doctor who looked like McDreamy. In the real world, it’s more like McUnibrow or McExcessive Nosehair. I think people would be much more likely to go to the doctor if they had really good looking ones to look forward to seeing– and no one would ever miss a checkup.

Breaking into song in public being deemed socially accepted. I’m not talking about using tacky flash mobs as a vehicle to convince your girlfriend to marry you on the spot. More like when you’re feeling a specific emotion and the only way you can express it is by singing, people won’t look at you weird or tell you to shut the $*&! up. Actually, if anything, they might even join in. I can’ t tell you how many times I’ve been in the library of a private high school with Darren Criss and had to fight the urge to sing a duet with him for fear others might judge me. If Glee Club could take Santana from a cheerleader who mostly just stood behind Quinn Fabray for half the first season into a real character with feelings and an identity crisis, imagine what it could do for the rest of the world.

Large groups of close friends. Or, you know, friends in general. Or, actually, just the F.R.I.E.N.D.S from the show. If friendships were as pure and forgiving in real life as theirs, no one would ever be lonely. Imagine how much more you’d be able to tackle if you had a solid support group of four or five people who loved you unconditionally — people who love you because they choose to and not because they’re related to you or trying to get something out of you. People who would buy you a bike when they found out that as a child your stepfather had to pull you around the back yard on a box a bike came in because you were too poor to have a real one, like Ross did for Phoebe. People who would put a turkey on their head to apologize to you for that Thanksgiving they cut your toe off after you called them fat– even though you never should have worn wicker shoes in the first place. I’m looking at you, Chandler.

The world being populated by good looking and well dressed people. My school is pretty much a living 4D People of Walmart website. The only way I can ever get myself out of bed and to class is looking forward to the joy I get from putting together a cute outfit and doing my hair and make up. Unfortunately, that means that among my pajama and Ugg boot clad peers, I stick out like white after labor day. In fact, the only time people ever speak to me are the few days in the winter I wear jeans (also known as my arch nemesis) because it’s too cold for a dress. We could only benefit from every person in America being assigned a government funded stylist.

Every office should be like Dunder Mifflin. My most recent job title was actually receptionist, and yet my job was nothing like Pam’s. There was never a cake on my birthday. No one ever took me on trips to the beach, and when I pulled pranks on people, no one thought it was funny. We didn’t even have a baler. What kind of workplace is that?! If everyone’s boss was like Michael Scott, everyone would love coming to work.

Chuck Bass. As a Blair Waldorf living life stranded in Atlanta, I speak from experience when I say the wait would be much more pleasant if I had a smooth talking, well dressed hotel heir to scheme and toil away the hours with. In real life, selfish bowtie wearing douchebags with repressed emotional baggage are just that – douchebags. They do not have a heart of gold. And when they do say those three words you’ve been waiting to hear, they hardly ever mean it.

All problems are solved in an hour or less. Sure, you’d have to deal with a new problem every week (and just experience the old problems over again in the summer) but who would mind if you knew 44 minutes later plus commercials you’d be able to find a solution that would tie everything up in a neat little bow? I know I would be a lot less hesitant to drive my car into the kitchen.

Voice overs. Everyone could only benefit from the reflection it would require to record your thoughts and feelings about a certain event to play while it’s happening. And then no one would ever have to wonder what everyone else was really thinking, which can be a drag. Also, soundtracks. What if every moment in your life was paired with the perfect song? Every day, even the boring ones, would become more meaningful.

Small town life. As much as I love big cities, I’ve always loved the idea of living in a place like Stars Hollow from Gilmore Girls, where you can walk everywhere and you know everyone and get to participate in quirky town hall meetings. In the real world, living in a small town just means that if you want something you can’t find at the Piggy Wiggly, you have to drive 45 minutes down the highway to get to a Walmart. Instead of spending their free time angelically sitting in gazebos reading classic literature, the town’s youth is probably out getting wasted and buying drugs because there’s nothing to do. In real life, Lorelai Gilmore, the original Teen Mom, would never have been able to raise a Yale graduate. Instead, she’d be riding shotgun next to Gary Shirley and when she went to her rich parents for help with her daughter’s education, instead of getting the tuition check she needed, she would have gotten socked in the face.

Cute dorks. When The OC premiered in 2003, everyone (including me) was head over heels for Seth Cohen, the lovable, awkward, neurotic nerd with an Infinity pool in his back yard and a plastic horse as his only friend. Suddenly, dating dorks became the cool thing to do… until girls realized that the ones in real life who read comic books, play video games and Magic the Gathering actually pick their noses and look like this. If all dorks were as cute as Seth I’d have a lot less trouble trying to find a date.

You can read more from Nicole Pomarico on her blog.

Featured image via.

Filed Under