Music and My Feels: I Can Only Express Myself Through Song
I have issues expressing my emotions. There, I said it. My, ugh, feelings, are there, but I can’t say what they actually are (it’s weird, I know). The only exception is when I’m irritated. If I am annoyed… good grief, you will know it. It’s the one emotion that I wish I could mask, but I can’t, so it is what it is.
Otherwise, I am stone cold marble. It’s a problem. Emotions make you vulnerable and being vulnerable is a way of losing control. I do not like not being in control. It’s a twisted way to think about things. There are a select few people in my life that get to see me let down that wall, but they’re like… two.
I have a game face like no one’s business. OH, you just broke my heart? You will never know.
It’s not like I don’t feel feelings, although, God, I wish I didn’t most of the time. I just never know how articulate them. Ever. That’s where music really helps me out. Have you ever been going through something and then there’s that one song that gets it? It’s really teenager-y of me considering I’m a grown-ass adult of 23 years.
For me, music is an outlet where someone else is expressing my emotions for me and, it’s damn therapeutic. Almost as cathartic as having a good cry.
And let’s face it, there are very few things that are as a good as an all-out sob-fest.
I have two preferred methods of listening to my music:
1. In my car. There I am traveling along in my little bubble of music through the streets (while abiding by traffic laws, of course) and just jamming out to my songs.
2. In my bed, in the dark. Headphones in. (How moody of me.)
Essentially, it breaks down to any situation where I’m by myself and I can really connect (how emo of me) to the music. I just need it, ya know? Every time I try to explain this to someone, I think they automatically go to that SNL skit with Emma Stone where she’s crying to ‘Someone Like You’ by Adele (no shame, we’ve all done that). And yes, while that has, on occasion, been the case, a lot of the time I’m listening to music because I’m happy or because I’m excited. There’s a plethora of reasons why I use music to express my emotions.
Music is a great way to work through both the dark and the light sides of our emotions. For me, I just go all over the place with it. I truly believe that music is fantastic for happiness and emotional trauma alike.
I know that everyone uses music in similar ways, but for me it’s especially useful because, like I said, I’m not very good at saying, much less discussing, what I feel.
So, what do you guys listen to when you’re happy? Sad? Angry?
Let me know! I need some new music, and I know my fellow HelloGigglers have excellent taste.
(I’m really into Beyonce’s music right now. Girl power.)
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