Here are the 13 movies you should add to your Netflix queue if you hate Valentine’s Day
Has the impending Valentine’s Day got you down? Whether you’re single or in a relationship or it’s complicated, we understand that not everyone loves Valentine’s Day. Actually, some people HATE Valentine’s Day. If you’re one of these V-Day grinches (sorry, there’s no Valentine’s Day equivalent for the Christmas term), then we know exactly what you need — a list of anti-Valentine’s Day movies to stream on Netflix.
While you might stumble across I Hate Valentine’s Day on Netflix and think, “This is the PERFECT movie!,” let us tell you right now that the rom-com’s title is misleading. If you don’t want to see Nia Vardalos and John Corbett fall in love all over again, then it’s best avoided around February 14th.
Instead, check out these 13 movies streaming on Netflix that either have nothing to do with love or show that love is not all that it’s cracked up to be.
Jack Nicholson loses his mind in a remote hotel as his wife looks helplessly on. This horror film is no story of domestic bliss.
2The Last Five Years
This movie musical follows Jamie and Cathy as they meet, fall in love, get married, and break up. Jamie’s story is told in chronological order, while you start with Cathy already heartbroken. The reversed timelines let you watch how good love can turn really bad in just five years — x2.
Who needs love when you can watch an almost three-hour-long movie that won seven Academy Awards about the American general in WWII?
4The Great Gatsby
Baz Luhrmann’s version isn’t available on Netflix, but the 1974 film starring Robert Redford is. F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic story shows the perils of infatuation — take that, romantics!
Not only will Norma Desmond and Max Von Mayerling creep you out, but Joe Gillis allowing himself to be a “kept man” is pretty unsettling as well. It also parallels The Great Gatsby in some ways.
6Requiem for a Dream
Addiction leads to destruction and this Darren Aronofsky movie has been searing that fact into people’s brains since it came out in 2000.
This movie is based around a will-they-or-won’t-they couple, but we promise it won’t leave you too sentimental for romance.
Unfortunately, Fatal Attraction isn’t on Netflix, so go with the next best thing with Michael Douglas — Basic Instinct. His character starts an affair with the main suspect of the murder he is investigating. It will allow you to feel content in your smugness over the fact that desire makes people do incredibly stupid things.
9The Human Centipede
Is there anything more disgusting than the idea of the human centipede? Even if there is something more disgusting, no sexy or romantic thoughts will cross your mind while watching this horror flick.
10We Need To Talk About Kevin
We Need To Talk About Kevin deals with the very real and horrifying subject of a massacre at a school. Tilda Swinton’s struggles with her son will remind you there are far worse things than Valentine’s Day.
11No Country for Old Men
You’ll be too stressed worrying about what Javier Bardem will do next to think of anything Valentine’s Day related.
Despite the pet names of “Pumpkin” and “Honey Bunny,” Pulp Fiction is pretty sparse when it comes to romance.
Robert De Niro’s interpretation of Max Cady will have you feeling too uncomfortable to even consider romance.
Sit comfortably on the couch (no cuddling required) and enjoy these 13 movies on Netflix during this holiday that you find thoroughly unenjoyable.
P.S. You can still eat the Valentine’s Day candy while you watch — we won’t tell.