The deep, super-real struggle of a morning without coffee

For daily coffee drinkers, not having a cup of coffee in the morning can be a really serious problem. It can actually ruin the entire day of the coffee drinker and the people in close proximity of the coffee drinker. Coffee is the only universal nonalcoholic beverage that has the power to affect someone’s mood — happy after coffee, not happy after no coffee. Not drinking a morning cup of coffee can come with devastating consequences. Maybe even death. OK, not death — but maybe the feelings of almost death.

“Why on earth would you not drink a cup of coffee if you’re going to be a miserable human without it”, you might be wondering? Great question, non coffee drinker. Sometimes, life gets in the way. Maybe you’re running late, maybe your kids are demanding your immediate attention, maybe you’re trying to cut back on caffeine, maybe you ran out (crazy – but it’s happens to the best of us) or maybe you forgot (JK that’s impossible).

We know that drinking coffee isn’t exactly beneficial to our health, but living without it isn’t either. So, for all the non coffee drinkers, here’s a quick little heads up on some of the symptoms caused by a morning without coffee for coffee drinkers. As for the coffee drinkers, well, you already know all of this first-hand.

Your head feels like you just rode a roller coaster 18 times in a row. . . underwater. 

It’s pounding, you’re dizzy and all you can think about is coffee and not being wherever you are. A caffeine headache typically starts behind the eyes then moves its way to the front of the head. You know who has a cure? Starbucks.

When you try to make words all that comes out are yawns. 

It’s 10 a.m. and you’re ready to take a nap. Not because you stayed up way too late (maybe that too), but because coffee is a picker-upper. So, without it, it basically feels like you took a sleeping pill on your way to work. Folger’s wasn’t kidding when they told us that coffee is the best part of wakin’ up.

The idea of throwing a toddler-style tantrum when an adult human makes eye contact with you seems rational and appropriate.

You literally can’t interact with anyone until you’ve had coffee. It works out though, because no one wants to interact with you either. Everything is annoying to you. You wonder how you got through life with these people for so long.

The elevator of your body is stuck between floors, and the emergency button isn’t working. 

Coffee stimulates your natural flow, if you pick up what I’m putting down. When you’ve come to rely on it to start your day, it’s really hard to get moving without it. See what I did there?

You forget that you need coffee, and decide what you really need is a cheeseburger, yeah, a cheeseburger will kickstart your day. 

For some people, coffee suppresses hunger. Which can be a good thing and a bad thing. A good thing if you’re watching your calories, but a bad thing if you didn’t have your morning cup of coffee, because now you’re starving and MUST EAT EVERYTHING IMMEDIATELY.

Your workout consists of 9 minutes looking at the gym’s selection of magazines and 1 minute slow-walking on a treadmill. 

If you always drink a cup of coffee or three before you work out, proceed with caution. If you’re brave enough to hit the gym without it, you might just lack the energy needed to do anything. It doesn’t mean you’re out of shape, it means you need your coffee.

Nobody has offered you a mint, which is weird.  

Coffee breath is real and almost impossible to avoid. So, I guess if there’s one good thing to come from missing your morning cup of coffee, it’s that your breath will get a break — even if you aren’t ready for it to have a break.

(Featured image via)