Millennials Are The Best. Generation. EVER.

The more time progresses and the further away we get from the Homo-Erectus, the more humane, technologically advanced, and intelligent we get–so it stands to reason that as the latest generation, the millenials are also the greatest generation. Unfortunately, if you have access to the internet, a subscription to TIME magazine, or have friends with parents, you’ve heard about how much other generations think us Millennials suck. We’re downright intolerable! As the Baby Boomers collectively approach the age where it becomes acceptable to go full, “back in my day” on everyone in daily conversation, it’s a good time in America to hate on us kiddos.

Here are the CliffsNotes to the complaints about us, courtesy of our high and mighty elders:

– We’re mad lazy

– We’re crazy narcissistic

– We’re overgrown babies that refuse to leave the womb

– We don’t believe in belts

– ….Next we’ll be dancing.

Are we lazy? Well that depends on how you define “lazy.” In the most literal sense, I guess we don’t have nearly as many assembly line or field worker positions available to us. On the other hand, we hold more college degrees (that cost a lot more), more side businesses, and more lucrative hobbies than any generation ever. We graduated into the worst economy since the Great Depression, and still manage to be resourceful enough to not have to sweat publicly as a day job. So, you say lazy, I say totally brilliant.

The same people that complain when I don’t respond to their Candy Crush requests on Facebook are the ones calling us disgustingly narcissistic. I’m sure if grandma could figure out how to take a selfie with her rotary phone, she would have participated in every “Transformation Tuesday” on Instagram. While each generation benefits from the technological advances of the last, millennials are living through the greatest technological renaissance the world has known since the invention of the wheel.  From the beginning of time until the year 2003, humanity had only created five exabytes of data. We now create that every two days.*   Perhaps a majority of that is self-indulgent blog posts, food porn, and text messages that say “k,” but is that enough to warrant the “narcissistic” label? While your generation was creating the A-bomb and debt, we invented iPhones and GTA V and we’re making the very best use of that technology.

If you’ve been sipping the Baby Boomer Haterade, you know that some refer to us as the “Boomerang” generation, in that we leave the nest, go to college, and boomerang back to the nest–no mortgage in sight. The negative connotation assigned to our plight is victim-blaming at its finest. We’d love to move out, guys. No one likes having a roommate named “mom.” When you point a finger at Millennials for not growing up, you’re pointing 3 back at yourself for causing this mess. The fact that never gets brought up amidst the mudslinging is that we had nothing to do with the subprime mortgage boom of the 90s and the subsequent great recession of the past 5 years. We’re being financially mature and paying down our debts before attempting to buy homes, and if that means bunking together for a little longer, you should be happy to help.

And hey, maybe we do wear our pants a little saggy… Fine. You’re right. That’s pretty stupid. Just don’t forget to thank Millennials for:

+ Inventing addictive apps and social networks like Angry Birds, Candy Crush, Pinterest and HelloGiggles

+ Actually voting… and electing America’s first Black president in the process

+ Being the most diverse generation EVER EVER EVER

+ Taking Captain Planet’s Advice by raising awareness for the importance of sustainable living

+ Occupying Wall Street

+ A Spice Girls reunion

+ Earning a worthy Batman franchise reboot

 + A way to charge phones in 30 seconds

In defense of Millienials, we grew up believing the previous generations’ fallacies: That all it takes is hard work and a good attitude– and success will follow. When that fairytale didn’t pan out we adapted and improvised and decided to do the best we could with what we have. We hold being happy in higher esteem than making money because one is within our control while the other may only come as a lucky coincidence. We’ve evolved. And guys, we’re really not so bad.

Defend your generation! Let me know why yours is the best below!!

Image courtesy @SubtweetCat