How to make a “Shakespearean” milkshake, because that’s a thing

Shakespeare, Not Stirred: Cocktails for Your Everyday Dreams was a must-have for me.

Because I LOVE PUNS SO MUCH. Seriously, the punnier the better. Please, try your puns out on me. I’ll take em all. I also adore finding ways to mix the second two of my favorite things: reading and cooking. My experience with Shakespeare has involved both reading and acting (the first favorite thing), so now that I can make Shakespeare drinks, I’ve found a way to make the Bard a part of my favorites trifecta.

You will not be learning the cuisine and potables of Shakespeare’s time. The recipes are fun and modern, no history needed. Well, some familiarity with the Shakespeare helps, but if you are not well-aquainted with his work the authors have a handy website. If you are into history in the 1500-1600’s then you’ll enjoy the little “mini-Bard” inserts throughout the book. Or you can stick to the authors’ musings on how Shakespeare applies to modern life.

Or hell, you can choose to just stick to the recipes. Although primarily being about cocktails, this book features lots of hor d’ouvres as well. These authors recognize that all that shaking of drinks and studious, studious reading you’ll be doing will stir up an appetite.

Each chapter covers a different area of life that can be, oh, dramatic. Family feuds, romance, and feminism anyone? It then discusses a few different Shakespeare plays that cover those areas and gives drink and snack recipes for the characters. They’ve really got a knack for the names. Beverages like Juliet’s Emoji-to and Lady’s MacBeth’s G-spot (the one she doesn’t want to get out, damn it) call my name.

This lovely boozy dessert is in honor of Gertrude, the mother of Hamlet. Hamlet disapproves of his mom’s sex life. They suggest that this shake is something Gertrude can hog and enjoy all by herself, or in bed with a hunky lover whether Hammy is okay with it or not. I went for the sipping solo option as I have no hunky lover. Nor do I have a lover of any capacity at present moment. A milkshake is ALL I have you guys. Send help. I’ll be the girl with the chocolate milk mustache.

Oh and I did not have the fancy straw called for to use with this shake. So I topped this homage to Hamlet’s mom’s sex life with a cherry. Because irony.

Gertrude’s Milkshake adapted from Shakespeare, Not Stirred by Caroline Bicks, PhD and Michelle Ephraim, PhD

  • 2 oz. vodka
  • 1/2 cup whole milk (I used half and half)
  • 2 oz. chocolate liqueur (I used Marie Brizard Chocolate Royal)
  • 3 scoops coffee ice cream
  • 1 cup ice

Blend the hell out of it. Garnish with a cherry if you want. You totally want.