Sammy Nickalls
Updated Aug 30, 2015 @ 8:40 am
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One of the most fundamental pillars in a relationship is trust. Honesty is so important between two intimate people, but unfortunately, lying in a relationship can happen. White lies are one thing, but covering up money issues or an affair — that’s something else entirely. Even if you suspect your partner is lying to you, it can be difficult to tell, because if they are lying, they’re trying their hardest to make sure you think otherwise. I know, I know — totally sucks. But here are a few cues to look out for if you think your love is majorly fibbing in your face.

Certain kinds of body language

If you ask your S.O. something that you think s/he may be lying about, watch their body language. According to the Huffington Post, they may subconsciously try to distract you while they answer by rubbing their face, blocking their mouth, turning their head, or another “aversion” gesture. . . a major sign that they’re not exactly being honest.

Changing the subject. . .

“You look so beautiful today” is a sweet compliment, but if it’s said right after you ask where your partner was last night. . . not so sweet.

. . . especially to something that might get you flustered

Another sign of deflection is distracting you by talking about that thing that totally bothers you, like bringing up an old fight or a sore spot for you.

Being weirdly protective of their phone

Of course, no one wants anyone rooting through their texts, no matter how close you are. But if your partner gets super weird about his phone, it’s possible that there’s something they don’t want you to see. (But if this is the only evidence that fits for you on the list, maybe your partner is just hiding the deets on your major surprise party. . . you never know!)

Their face changes color

If your S.O. goes pale or gets flushed in a situation where they may be lying, it could be their internal processing responding to fear, anger, or shame. (But if your partner turns red by pretty much everything, disregard this one.)

Taking WAY too long to respond to a simple question. . .

Think about it: if you’re telling the truth, you don’t have to think about it — you can just say it. But when you’re not telling the truth, there’s gonna be a pause while you’re weaving your “lie web.” If you ask your partner a question that really shouldn’t require much thought, that’s a major red flag.

. . . and giving a long, verbose response

If you ask a straightforward question, like “Why is there such a big charge on the credit card?” and the response is something that could rival Homer’s Odyssey, they’re deflecting from the truth: They might have bought a stupidly expensive watch without consulting you.

Giving you a ton of gifts suddenly (when it’s not your birthday or a holiday)

If your partner has been lying to you, they may feel immense guilt — and deservedly so! But instead of just owning up to the truth, they may start lavishing you with gifts. Unfortunately, these gifts are rooted in selfishness. Your partner wants to make you feel appreciated and, thus, unsuspecting of their lies — and also, it makes them feel less guilty.

Random, defensive outbursts

If your partner responds to your curious question about what their parents are like by shooting back an angry “Why does that matter? Why are you asking?”, there’s definitely a possibility that something’s up. (In this hypothetical scenario, perhaps he’s hiding you from his parents. . . a whole other can of worms.)

Their voice sounds. . .strange

You know your partner’s voice better than anyone. If you notice strange inflections, pacing, or tones that deviate from their normal speech pattern, there could definitely be something awry.

Look. You deserve someone who is honest and open with you —honesty and trust is so, so important to have in a healthy relationship. And if you think your person is hiding crucial things from you (things that could hurt you), it’s time to call the BS and get your S.O. talkin’ truths ASAP.

(Image via Warner Bros.)