Let’s be real. Having sex with someone new can be both extremely exciting and overwhelmingly intimidating. There’s a lot of pressure to “get it right” and to “make sure everything’s perfect.” Even if you know those pressures are ridiculous, having all of them hovering over you can sometimes hinder the fun of the experience.
While there’s no way to control the world around you, there are a few tangible things you can check off your list to make sure you at least feel as prepared as possible before you add another name to your sexytime list.
Doing any or all of these will obviously not guarantee a perfect new-partner sexual experience, but they will at least make you feel more prepared and let you just be in the moment, no matter what that might mean.
Practice basic hygiene
Ah, the golden rule of lovemaking. If you know you’re going to be all over somebody else’s body, you’d hope they’d take the time to at least freshen up for you, right? So you should to do the same for your future potential partner.
No matter how long it takes to blow dry your hair or how comfortable those sweatpants you’ve been wearing all week are, you’ve got to take a shower and change into something clean. Taking some time to freshen up will not only put you in a better headspace, it’ll make you a lot less self-conscious about stripping down later in the night.
You don’t want your first time experience to (figuratively or literally) stink.
Groom yourself — but in the way that’s comfortable for you
Here’s the thing: Not everyone shaves everything and thats A-OK. While many women (and men) shave or wax lots of parts of their body, it’s by no means a requirement. You want to feel completely sexy and completely you when you get intimate with a new person. If you’re not someone who regularly waxes or shaves, it’s probably not best to start experimenting with that just before you have sex with someone new.
In order to have the best sexual experience, you want to feel the most comfortable in your body. For some people, that means pluck an eyebrow and call it a day. For others, that means becoming as smooth as a baby’s bottom all over. The most important part of your grooming ritual isn’t the details themselves. It’s simply that you’re taking the time to honor your body by making it feel healthy and beautiful.
Whip out those sexy undies
Nothing says “It’s time for a sexy party” like some good lingerie. Sexy underwear (whatever that means for you) will make you feel more desirable, which will make you have more confidence. That confidence will then translate to you becoming a more desirable mate for your future partner, which will give you even more confidence, thereby keeping you in an upward cycle of desirability and confidence that will most likely culminate in a more positive overall sexual experience.
So whether you just needed an excuse to wear that one super hot bra in the back of your drawer or if the undies you feel sexiest in are a something more casual, where something that will make you feel great.
Do whatever makes you feel beautiful
Maybe putting on a perfect face of makeup makes you feel like hot stuff. Or maybe there’s this one shirt you always get a million compliments in. Or maybe taking the time to blow dry your hair perfectly makes you feel like you just stepped off the runway. Whatever your personal beauty regimen includes, make sure you do what you need to do to feel the most you possible.
If you’re engaging in sex with a new partner, you need to be an adult about it. And adults come prepared. That means having a conversation about birth control with your partner. It doesn’t have to be prolonged or dramatic, nor will it “ruin the mood.”
The reality of the situation is that having sex can result in some things you don’t want (like STDs or an unwanted pregnancy). So you need to be prepared to do whatever you need to do for sex to have the outcome you want. There are plenty of ways to practice healthy, safe sex. Never assume your partner will take care of it. It’s your body. You’re in charge of taking care of it, so make sure you do.
And, just for the record, never let anyone make you feel bad about having this conversation. If they belittle, condescend, or overlook your needs in any way, they’re not a person you want to be having sex with in the first place.
While sex happens with another person, it is an intimately personal act. Take some time before you get in the heat of the moment to listen to your own wants and needs. Sex should be fun and a wonderful way to connect to another person, and putting some thought into your own wants and needs will only make it better.
You should also check in with your partner while you’re in the act. Make sure you’re communication what you like, what you don’t like, and any other information that will make the experience better for both of you.
Finally, take a deep breath and relax. No matter what happens with this new partner, you’ll be okay. Maybe it will be mind-blowing or maybe it will be mediocre. Maybe you’ll find something new you love to do or maybe you’ll try something you’ll never do again. Sex is a way to grow and learn about yourself and what you like and don’t like. Putting too much pressure the situation is only going to get in the way of being your most present self. But if you and your partner are both being your most genuine selves, there’s a genuinely good chance you’ll have a genuinely great time.
Sex with a new partner is exciting. So breathe, relax, and enjoy it.