Gina Vaynshteyn
April 30, 2015 6:00 am

So, you went through a breakup, and it was a particularly awful one. For awhile, it felt like this person you dated and loved and dedicated so many feelings to, had taken your heart with their bare hands and thrown it off a cliff with all their might (even though that’s not how anatomy works, but whatever). You wondered if maybe yes you should spend some time crying in bed and eating salty food, because going out and doing real-life activities you would normally do would be the very worst. And the crying? OMG. You had no idea your eyes were capable of that much crying.

Time went by, and you went from devastation to sadness to anger. You checked their Facebook multiple times a day, you hoped they would never find love that wasn’t your love, you prayed to the relationship gods that you could somehow run into them and prove just how much better you are without them. And then one day you realized: you would never be better without them until you stopped doing all these self-destructive, bad bad things. That until you “let go” of this relationship, you could never fully free yourself from them.

So many of us have gone through hurtful break-ups, and a lot of us have sabotaged ourselves from achieving happiness simply because we’re just not ready to say goodbye to our exes. It’s normal! It happens! Love is crazy! But when you do let go, when you finally do free your mind of your ex, life gets better (promise!).

Here are all the signs you’ve finally gotten over that person:

1. If you hear her/his name mentioned, your heart doesn’t crumble into itself anymore

Even if it’s just a character on a TV show that has the same name, you swore you could feel your temperature drop when it was uttered. Not anymore — now, you are impervious to their name, could hear it announced on a microphone over and over and flinch you would not.

2. You don’t leave your house secretly hoping you’ll run into them

Remember all those times you shamefully (or not shamefully) wished you would run into him or her at Starbucks because, oh boy, was your outfit super cute that day? And wouldn’t they just feel like total fools for breaking up with you? That thought process no longer applies to you anymore, because you understand that you don’t need to see them. In fact, you don’t care either way. You look good for you.

3. The thought of seeing other people is a thing your brain can totally wrap itself around

For awhile there, love seemed like an ugly thing just waiting to disappoint you. Now you’re ready to take on dat dating life. Or, you know, you decide to DO YOU for awhile —whatever makes you happiest.

4. You’re in no way hate-stalking their (or their new partner’s) social media accounts

Nope. None of that totally-not-healthy behavior anymore. You don’t care about your ex’s new job, or new apartment, or new relationship because you have no clue. That digital chapter is now fully closed.

5. If your ex does contact you, you don’t combust with that weird happy-sad-anger mixture of emotions

Before, you would spend days overanalyzing their text message, call friends and e-mail them for advice (it would be the same: “DONOTRESPONDDONOTRESPOND”). Now? You decide not to respond all on your own.

6. And if they want to “hang out,” you decline. Respectfully.

Because you know there’s a chance this might lead to something you don’t want, and even if a tiny part of you is like, “well, maybe I do want this,” most of you understands that this would be opening up a very, very freshly healed wound. So you text them back saying, “No, sorry, thanks though!” because you’re a bigger person, and you’ve grown, and you’ve learned.

7. You don’t do things like listen to “your song,” while feeling awful and mournful and weepy

You don’t do things that you know will make you feel sad, because you get that indulging in that kind of negativity is just all kinds of bad for your soul. Plus —you’re past all that now.

8. You’re not saying jerk things about them to your friends and family anymore

Smack-talking your ex used to be your favorite thing to do! It made you (temporarily) feel good. It was catharsis much like how eating Taco Bell at 1am after a party is catharsis (aka, not really all that healthy for you). But you realized, after some time, that saying ALL the bad things about this human being wouldn’t change them, and wouldn’t change the fact that your relationship is over.

9. If you run into a mutual friend, you’re not hoping they fill you in on your ex’s life without you 

Nope. You don’t need to hear it.

10. You’ve come to terms with the realities of the relationship you had with this person

Regardless of whether you received the kind of closure you wanted, you are now at peace with how things turned out. Or at least you’re getting there. And maybe you realized your relationship really wasn’t perfect, it wasn’t the thing that defined your life. Maybe there really were problems that you chose not to focus on. Whatever it is, you’re now free to say goodbye to all that. 

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