When you’re in a good relationship, you’re not worried about small things, or heck, even the medium-sized things turning into icebergs that send your romance plummeting downwards into its watery grave. But sometimes, even in a good relationship, you find yourself on shaky ground. Being open about things your self-conscious about can be scary, especially when you really like someone. Then there’s the chance your partner isn’t as tolerant as he or she should be, or that the dynamic you’ve established limits you both from opening up, completely.
It’s OK, you can totally work through those issues. But the first step is identifying what may feel out-of-bounds, and tackling those insecurities head-on. Here are a handful of things you should never worry about addressing in your relationship. Breaking through these issues may be hard at first, but they’ll only make you two stronger in the long run.
1,)Getting into a fight
Whenever couples are like “We’ve NEVER had a fight,” I’m like “Good for you, you’re either the two most perfect people ever or you’re not talking about the stuff that needs to be talked about.” In a good relationship, you can pick your battles and you can fight them and it will be okay because none of the things you squabble about will be bigger than your love for one other. Just make sure the fights don’t get spiteful or truly mean. It’s OK to have a difference of opinion, but don’t try to take the other person down in the process.
Sometimes when I am standing in my underwear in front of the mirror and my husband is nearby, I have to actively force myself to not stare at my body with hate eyes because he loves my body/me and gets exasperated when I pick on myself like a middle school bully. Your person loves the way you look, that’s why they CHOSE you, so no self-loathing for you today, little missy!
3.)Bodily functions (you know what we’re talking about)
I remember reading teen magazines back in the day and there was like always a page about first date horror stories where the girl threw up on the guys shoes or audibly farted and the guy NEVER CALLED HER AGAIN. Which is so dumb, like, what, Random Dude, you have never experienced any of these bodily functions ever? Are you a Skynet Terminator, are you a Princess Leia hologram, what ARE you? In a good relationship, if your body does its thing, your sweetheart should laugh good-naturedly, and if your body really isn’t feeling up to snuff, your honey should take care of you, and that’s just the way it should be.
4.)Possessing an opinion
This is related to fighting, but it’s also its own separate thing. When you are in an awesome relationship you are allowed to rant and rave about the things you love and hate without being made to feel even one percent weird about it. This is why your sweetheart LIKES you, because you are so powerfully and specifically and undeniably YOU.
5.) Having a bad day
You have to lie to the barista at Starbucks and say you’re having a good day, you may have to tell your co-workers that everything is fine, but with your honey, you do not have to pretend like those cartoon storm clouds hanging over your head don’t, you know, exist.
You feel the overwhelming pressure to be Wonder Woman in the eyes of the world and have an explanation/story/excuse for every personal and professional setback you’ve faced, but you don’t need to pull out the song and dance for your sweetheart. You’re allowed to feel sad and angry and frustrated and disappointed with this person. You’re allowed to talk about how you’re jealous of your friends or how you feel sorry for yourself. Your significant other should never make you feel like a failure, but you’re allowed to admit to this person when you feel like one.
Who cares if you’re not the best dancer in the world, or if your moves are reminiscent of Elaine Benes? One of the greatest things you can do with your partner is let yourself go when the music hits you. You should always feel awesome about being in each other’s arms or simultaneously spazzing out to Taylor Swift in your living room. This is the glory of being a twosome. It’s like the best moments of being alone, but better.
8.) Your partner on an ‘off-day’
So your partner doesn’t own a suit and is wearing a borrowed, oversized blazer to your friend’s wedding, or maybe they’re having a day when they’re not their most charismatic, and that day happens to fall on the night you’re all going out with your friends. Give your love a break. They’re there, they’re trying and they’re only human. Don’t forget that their so-called imperfections are what make them the person they are, and that’s the person you fell for. Nobody is exactly how you need them to be ALL the time. If they’re still kind to you, if they’re still trying to make you happy, if they’re still generally awesome in nature, they deserve a wee break from being superhuman-charming-partner-person at all times. Just make sure they give you the same pass when you’re feeling kind of blah. Having each other’s back when things aren’t “perfect” is the most reassuring thing you can do as a couple.
It doesn’t matter why you’re crying, you’re a human being and you’re feeling something deeply and that’s totally cool to do in front of the person you love/who loves you. Also, it’s impossible to ugly cry in front of someone you’re in a good relationship with because they think EVERYTHING YOU DO IS BEAUTIFUL. Showing vulnerability only deepens your relationship. That’s the magical thing about love, isn’t it?