Christina Wolfgram
August 30, 2015 5:41 am
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We’ve all been there. It’s 5:30 p.m. and mom calls you on your way home from work. She asks a zillion questions: How’s your boss? How’s that zit on your forehead? Did you get a chance to check on those tax forms? Eek! You don’t want to lie, but you don’t want to tell your mom that you’re scared of your boss, scared of your zit, and even more scared of taxes either.

So you fib a little.

There’s no harm in that! Your mom doesn’t need to know that you finished a bottle of Two Buck Chuck by yourself on a Tuesday, or that you sometimes eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast and dinner. It’s much easier to sugarcoat the details of your life when you talk to your mom. Here are a few things you might say to yo’ momma … and what you really mean.

What You Say: “I’m redecorating my apartment.”
What You Mean: “I’m doing five months worth of laundry.”

What You Say: “Hey, I can’t talk right now; I’m about to work out.”
What You Mean: “Hey, I can’t talk right now; I’m about to work out … my emotions after a long day at work by binge-watching Scandal on Netflix.”

What You Say: “Want to grab lunch?”
What You Mean: “Please buy me lunch.”

What You Say: “Work has been crazy busy this week.”
What You Mean: “I’m so sorry I forgot to call you this week.”

What You Say: “I’m doing great with money!”
What You Mean: “I only over-drafted once this month!”

What You Say: “Want to open a bottle of wine?”
What You Mean: “Want to split a bottle of wine?”

What You Say: “Josh Groban is OK.”
What You Mean: “Let’s belt to your Josh Groban CD on the way home.”

What You Say: “Ugh, don’t embarrass me with baby photos.”
What You Mean: “Only send the ones where I look adorable. Always looking for a good #tbt.”

What You Say: “Mom, please stop loudly asking me questions about the plot of Magic Mike XXL during a showing of Magic Mike XXL.”
What You Mean: “You are my favorite person to take to the movies. Never stop asking questions about Channing Tatum’s career. But maybe consider whispering. Maybe.”

What You Say: “I’m not that hungry for dinner.”
What You Mean: “I had a Happy Meal for a snack. Oops.”

What You Say: “Yeah, I’m trying to eat more vegetables.”
What You Mean: “Today I spent over an hour on Pinterest looking at pretty pictures of vegetables.”

What You Say: “This skirt is definitely too short, but I’m going to wear it over leggings.”
What You Mean: “… And then take the leggings off before I go out.”

What You Say: “I don’t know why I’m so tired; I went to bed early.”
What You Mean: “Hold me, I’m hungover.”

What You Say: “Who am I texting? Meghan. You remember: my best friend from elementary school.”
What You Mean: “A guy from Tinder, and he wants pics.”

What You Say: “You have this lipstick, too? We must have similar taste in makeup.”
What You Mean: “I raided your makeup bag. And I regret nothing.”

What You Say: “Seriously, I got the lipstick at a sample sale.”
What You Mean: “I know you know I went through your makeup bag. Because you have mom senses and you know everything. You probably even know that I also used, like, eight of your hair serums.”

What You Say: “Love ya, Mom.”
What You Mean: “I would be totally lost without you.”

(Images via here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.)