This week’s episode of Rob and Chyna was all about finding the couple’s Love Language, which got us thinking about how important “love languages” really are in a relationship. According to the 5 Languages of Love quiz that the couple took, they were not compatible, but they were willing to try and tend to each other’s needs despite their different results. So, what about your average, non-celebrity based couple? Is a love language result really that big of a deal? Let’s discuss!
First of all, the 5 Love Languages is a book written by Dr. Gary Chapman, a family counselor, radio host and associate pastor. He has written a few books on love and marriage, and The 5 Love Languages is about the five different ways that one shows or feels love from their spouse. You can even take a quiz to figure out if your compatible with your mate and what your language is.
The five languages of love are: Words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time and physical touch. All of these describe how you feel most loved and how to make your emotional love better.
The theory behind the practice is that hopefully you and your partner are both speaking the same language, meaning, you both prioritize “quality time” and “physical touch.”
1. Words of Affirmation
To this person, words of affirmation and love is what they need to feel emotional ties to their loved one and, or, feel appreciated. According to Chapman in an excerpt from his book and republished by Focus on the Family, one way to express your love is to use words that build others up. This can be in the way of compliments on one’s appearance, sweet letters or small pats on the back with your words.
2. Acts of Service
Acts of service can mean a variety of things, but mainly it means understanding what your significant other likes and making that happen. For example, trying to please someone by doing something you know they’d like to do, or more importantly doing something they would want you to do. Perhaps that means cooking a meal or setting the table for your loved one. Maybe it’s as easy as taking out the trash before you’re asked.
For this specific language remember that actions do speak louder than words.
3. Receiving Gifts
This language is one of the more straight-forward ones. It is a simple idea of giving to your loved one and making them feel loved. No, it’s not about buying them expensive jewelry or spending a large amount of money on a lavish honeymoon — although those are very nice — it’s about showing someone that you took the time to think about them.
Getting your partner a gift, of any shape, size or price proves that you stopped for a minute and thought about what they might want and then followed through and got them something to improve their day. If your spouse isn’t a big “gift giver” and you love buying things for them, then you speak different love languages. The good news is, this one is the easiest to learn, because it just takes time to realize even if you don’t think your gift is what someone would want you did think of them, so it’s a step in the right direction.
4. Quality Time
This one is easy to understand but harder to make work in every day life. You have to actually give your undivided attention to someone who craves quality time. Not sitting together and watching Netflix, although that is a good alternative to some couples who are always on the go. Instead, this language focuses on spending real time with your partner and just them. No distractions.
5. Physical Touch
Physical touch has always been a big part of a relationship and communicating the emotional love we strive for. For some people however, not having the hand holding, kissing and hugging, as well as the intimacy of sex, makes them feel unloved. To fix this, sitting close to your partner or putting your arm around them as you walk out of a restaurant will reassure them that you do love them.
What it all means…
While you don’t have to use these five different languages in your relationship – they can be helpful. By taking the quiz and identifying what type of language you respond to most, you can see what you might need more of in your relationship to take the emotional love up a notch.
Some couples will have the same love language, which means they like the same type of love, and therefore don’t need to change. Others, will have opposite love languages, which just means their partner needs to learn what makes them tick on the love-o-meter.
The reason people find these “languages” to be so important for relationships is because of their ability to touch upon something they might’ve not understood they needed. If you find out your partner is a “acts of service” person then getting them their morning paper, because you know it will please them could be an easy way to spice up your romance and make them feel loved, when you normally would’ve thought, “why can’t they do it themselves?” It’s just another way to help a relationship move forward on an emotional level that is easier to comprehend.
Sound off in the comments below and tell us if you’ve ever tried the 5 Languages of Love and if it did anything to better your relationship? What do you think is the key to a strong emotional love?