8 tips for when you're bored in your relationship but don't want to break up
The beginning of a new relationship is usually kind of magical. Whether it was a meet cute that was basically a rom-com IRL or a drunk hookup that blossomed into something more, let’s say you’ve finally found “the one” and have comfortably settled into your new coupled life. Things are going very well until one day, mid-routine, you’re suddenly hit with the realization that you are bored in your relationship. But after some introspection, you decide you’re not ready to walk away from the relationship you’ve spent so much time building and the person you love with your whole heart.
The real question is: Can your relationship actually survive this boredom?
We’re going to say: Definitely maybe! Over time, couples who are in it for the long haul will inevitably slip out of their spontaneous, lusty, sexting-all-day relationship and into something more steady, laid-back, and full of routines. Sure, the love is still very much alive, and you still can’t picture your life without them, but at some point you both just stopped trying new things.
All hope isn’t lost though. If you and your partner have both decided to stay together despite a serious case of the blahs, here are 8 tips to help you overcome this boring phase — because hopefully it really is just a phase.
1Recreate your favorite dates.
Sit down, take a moment, and revisit the memories of your favorite dates together. Maybe it was your very first night together at a fancy spot or maybe it was that winter two years ago when your flight was delayed and you were stuck in the airport so you created your own little space with airport sandwiches and drinks. Whatever it is, go do it again! Implement mandatory date nights that fit into your schedules and recreate your most iconic magical moments together.
2Show interest in something they love.
Show interest in something your partner loves, even if you really couldn’t care less about it. If they’re into comic book conventions and cosplay, then maybe suit up for your bae. Drinking someone else’s cup of tea on occasion can be truly fun, and it doesn’t mean you have to fundamentally change anything about yourself. They’ll definitely appreciate the effort and this might stir up some of that latent passion.
3Carve out time for a staycation.
You can easily find a decently priced hotel in your city and surprise your boo with a weekend “away.” This will force you out of your normal routine of sweatpants and chores on the weekend and allow you to share new experiences together. Maybe try all the touristy things your city has to offer.
4Remind them they matter.
Stop for a second and remember all the things you love about your partner, why you fell in love with them in the first place. Make list and show it to them. Or write them a love letter. Couples who’ve been together for a long time sometimes forget that their partners still need reassurance. Remind them they’re loved, seen, and appreciated.
5Binge-watch something together.
Because technology allows us the freedom to watch our favorite TV shows wherever and whenever we want, we don’t always make the time to sit with our S.O. in the same room to watch anything. Maybe you’re currently obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy and caught up on your train commute, but they hate medical dramas where all the doctors are just too good looking. Not a problem: Find a show that appeals to at least one mutual interest and binge-watch. Not only will you be spending more time together (while still getting to be lazy), but now you’ll have something new to talk about as well.
6Step out of your comfort zones.
One major cause of your boredom could be the fact that you’ve both gotten too comfortable. So get the hell out of your comfort zones. Do something you’ve always talked about doing, or something that scares you. Just do something, and do it together. The crazier the thing, the better. You’ll get a hit of adrenaline and hopefully breathe new life into your relationship.
7Try something new in the bedroom.
Listen, sleeping with someone who knows exactly what you like sexually and knows how your body responds to different things is what we all want, right? But having the same kind of sex every time you have sex can get a little…well, boring. Why not explore a bit? Watch some porn together, bust out some new positions, or get all Fifty Shades with each other. Bringing something new and exciting to your sex life might get rid of the boredom.
8Ask for help.
If all else fails, there’s no shame in seeking outside help from a professional. Together, the three of you will be able to come up with ways to keep your relationship going through this phase.
Being bored doesn’t have to mean your relationship is over. This feeling could just be the gentle nudge you need to shake things up and rekindle your connection.