Steph Barnes
December 30, 2016 7:06 am
Jay Wennington/Unsplash

It seems as though online dating has quickly become the new normal. And for good reason, we suppose. After all, we do everything else on our phones — why not use it to find love too? So, let’s say after all the left swipes and catfish encounters, you finally find someone you kind of, sort of like looking at. They’re smart, cute, funny, have a wonderful way with words — but they’re *literally* a million (OK, at least a few hundred or thousand) miles away. Logically, you know it’ll never work because most long-distance internet relationships are almost always doomed before they even begin. But this person you met on line is just *so* amazing, you start to rationalize it: Maybe you guys will be different!

Maybe one of you just got out of a pretty serious relationship so you tell yourself it’s safe. You tell yourself you’re just building a friendship with someone who makes you laugh again instead of focusing on the ache in your heart. Totally ignoring the rules of rebounding (no emotional entanglement) and your logical mind, you take the next step. You move from whatever dating app you started with and you begin the mutual oversharing via text messages and phone conversations.

You start learning about their quirks, their friends and family, their favorite everything. You’re pretty much obsessed with the way they laugh, the beautiful compliments they string together when you least expect them, and the cute “good morning” messages. You’ve even agreed that the time apart will give you the opportunity to focus on more important things instead of just the physical aspect of your relationship. It’s all kind of amazing, right? Wrong.

Dating experts call this “pseudo intimacy,” — you may think you’re creating a real connection with your person through texting/talking on the phone and getting a real sense of who they are but what you’re actually doing is making up an unrealistic “happily ever after” fantasy of what your just REALLY want them to be.

Luckily for most of us, we realize this before it was too late, aka, our IRL lives melt down because we’re so constantly hung up on this person who is so far away. We end long-distance relationships because we understand that in theory, we could communicate with them 24/7, but in reality, we have to live our lives. And just like that, so many digital relationships end before the people in them ever get to meet in real life — and then come the unavoidable breakup feels.

1Guilty

Because you’re just so amazing, there’s a good chance the breakup won’t be mutual. This could leave you feeling a little guilty.

2Confused

After the realization has set in, you may find yourself wondering, “What the hell was I thinking?”

3Doubt

Maaaaybe you ended things too quickly. You could send a quick text, book a quick flight, and no! You made the right decision, stop doubting yourself.

4Sadness

When you realize it is still cuffing season and you are alone…

5Just a tinge of inadequacy

But why can’t you meet anyone closer to you? Now, you’re thinking “Is there something wrong with me?” Again, no!

6Intoxicated

Because getting drunk with your friends is an after breakup requirement!

7Relief

After the hangover passes you will realize you did the best thing for you at the time. Definitely dodged that bullet.

8Over it — boy, bye!

And finally! Tell ’em boy, BYE! You’re officially over it.

The feelings are everywhere so there is no point in running away from them. We’re big advocates of allowing yourself to feel your feelings as they come. Learn from the negative ones and try to recreate the positive ones. And above all else, be gentle with yourselves as you heal.

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