Elizabeth Tsung / Unsplash
Karen Belz
February 20, 2017 1:12 pm

Now that the pressure of Valentine’s Day is over, you may find yourself realizing that your relationship isn’t really making you happy anymore. If you’re starting to feel hesitant about continuing forward, you may be looking for surefire signs that you’re ready to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

It’s a tough call to make — because a lot of times, it’s hard to figure out whether or not his or her specific quirks are actually offensive, or something you can live with in the long run. Nobody’s perfect, and everyone comes with their own set of faults. So, is the fact that they make a weird noise when they eat bananas a reason to split? Tough to say.

All in all, you need to look at the big picture. You’re likely at a stage in life where you’re wondering whether or not this person is “the one.”

Here are a few big hints that you might need to cut your losses. 

1Hanging out with them is kind of a chore.

Let’s just say, you never totally look forward to it. It’s more like something you need to check off of your to-do list. Think back to Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life. We all saw how Rory treated (poor, poor) Paul. If you found yourself relating, do this person a favor and cut them loose ASAP. Stringing them along just isn’t good for anyone. Just break up already.

2You don’t want them to meet your parents.

Are you above the age of 18? Then these types of interactions shouldn’t be embarrassing. It’s always tough to have your new guy or girl meet your mom and dad, but when you try your hardest to avoid it entirely, you’re doing it for a reason. Simply put, you don’t think it’s worth it.

Whether it’s because your significant other mortifies you, or because you predict that your parents will ask you at the end of the night how they’ve failed you when outlining a proper relationship, your instinct is telling you to abort this love mission.  What are you going to do, refuse to invite your parents to your eventual wedding?

3You can’t talk to them about the future.

Does your significant other totally freeze up when you talk about future plans together? And not just “future” as in “how many kids you’ll have,” necessarily — this person doesn’t even feel comfortable discussing next weekend. Feeling shut out, or not in control of your own schedule, is pretty much the worst. If your partner can’t even give you a clear answer on whether or not he or she feels like tacos or burgers tonight (or any night) it’s probably time to break up and move on.

4You can’t list (at least) three solid things you have in common.

Physical attraction is nice, but it isn’t everything. In order for a relationship to last, the two of you need to grow together and be on the same field. The best couples have their fair share of differences, but certain things are super important to have in common.

While it’s not mandatory, it’s always kind of nice to share religious or political views with your partner. If you happen to like the same music and media, even better. Think long and hard, and if at least three big topics don’t come up, you might be setting yourself up for disaster by sticking with the relationship.

5You still find yourself having a more-than-average amount of crushes.

Listen, you’re not going to be attracted to just one person your entire life. The difference is, when you find “the one,” other people typically just fade into the background. You pretty much lose focus on dating and form your own little happy bubble.

If you notice yourself fantasizing about other people, it’s probably because you’ve already mentally checked out of this relationship. Thinking someone is cute is one thing, but wondering what your sixth date would look like, and whose personality your children may inherit, is definitely not normal.

6He or she makes you feel bad about yourself.

Relationships have their own set of challenges, but if they don’t boost you up, what’s the point? When you’re with someone, you’re with them since you enjoy what they bring to the table. The second your guy or girl starts nitpicking about your looks, or your weight, or your personality, it suddenly becomes a lot less fun. They need to be with you for you, not a glorified, nonexistent version of you.

Listen — long term relationships should make you want to improve as a person. But you need to do it for you, first and foremost. If you’re left feeling pretty bummed out because you’re not your partner’s “dream girl,” cut them loose so that they can try and find the person who is. You’ll be so much happier in the long run.

7You don’t want to experience new things with him or her.

Relationships are all about taking adventures together. Just pretend you’re offered an incredible trip to Hawaii for work. If you’re lusting after the alone time (and shudder at the thought of your significant other joining you — since they’d probably find a way to ruin it) you need to get out of your relationship. It’s totally normal to have space as a couple, but if your significant other won’t enhance a big experience like that, it’s just not worth your time to stay involved.

8The arguments are getting just a little too heated.

Couples fight. It happens. In fact, sometimes it’s good that it happens, since it proves that you’re each your own person — and often, it can help strengthen a relationship. But here’s the thing — fighting should never get violent, or mean-spirited. Things shouldn’t be thrown, nor should put-downs be yelled. Not only are these signs that the two of you have no respect for each other, but it’s a sign that things are getting abusive.

Physical and mental abuse both aren’t normal, nor should they be tolerated in any relationship. If you think that yours might have gone off the deep end, and you’re becoming fearful, you might want to call and get some extra help and support when you break things off. By calling (800) 799-SAFE, you’ll be able to find ways to move forward safely.

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