Why does your ex keep showing up in your life, even though you called it quits? Your support group of best friends tell you to steer clear of contact with them. No calling them after a night out. No interacting with them on social media. Yet somehow, they keep popping up here, there and everywhere. Are you just noticing their virtual presence because they haven’t been around physically? Oddly enough, your ex might be showing up on purpose. Here are 8 signs your ex is missing you, because more likely than not, you’re not going crazy.
1. They are steadily active on your Instagram.
So you’ve decided to cut contact with your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. It’s probably for the best because “out of sight, out of mind” is actually a thing, believe it or not. A big no-no that the staff at eHarmony tell you never to do post-breakup is stalk an ex’s social medias. It will only lead to jealousy or pain. You try to stay away from their social media feeds, even unfollowing them on Facebook and Instagram. But your ex doesn’t seem to be following your lead.
If your ex keeps up to date on your life via Instagram, and likes your posts within a matter of hours, then they are probably pining for you. And if they go back and like several past posts that they neglected to like when you were together, then come on. That’s one degree away from “sliding into ur DMs.”
2. They haven’t been spotted with anyone new.
These next two tips depends on what kind of person your ex is. If they are an emotional bottler, then their feelings may be hurt and they are still limping from the breakup. If your ex hasn’t been spotted with anyone new, and mutual friends say there hasn’t been any interest in seeking out new partners, chances are your ex is still thinking about you.
Moving on in any way, shape, or form is too hard right now because you’re still fresh in their mind.
3. OR, they are constantly with other partners, and they make sure you know it.
On the other hand, if your ex was the type to jump to conclusions or run emotionally hot, then they may be out and about with anyone and everyone. If you’re seeing pictures of them out at night with several different new partners fairly soon after a breakup, then your ex may be trying to make you jealous and is acting in ways that will get you to notice them.
But if they seem to be hanging around with the same person quite a lot, they may have found someone else to be attached to, according to this study. They miss the attachment they had to you and have found someone else to be attached to. They still might miss you, but you’re not in the forefront of their mind.
This one is kind of a no-brainer. It’s after midnight on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday night and you’re hanging out with your BFFs. Like realizing you left the oven on after leaving for vacation, your stomach drops at the sight of a missed call from your ex. The voicemail proves they are not sober and that they “just wanted to say hi.”
You don’t need to have experience deciphering ancient hieroglyphs to read this code. You’re present in your ex’s late night brain and ~ that can only mean one thing ~.
You’ve decided you’re ready to reconnect with your ex after spending significant time apart.
Dr. David Braucher says that sometimes meeting with an ex is conducive to realizing our own loving self. “Recollected feelings and memories—the internal image of the ex,” Dr. Braucher explains, “—are distinctly different from the feelings engendered in his or her actual presence.” You are able to love the same person who you become angry with when physically together because of your ability to remember the positives. Meeting with an ex can remind you of the parts that led you to break up in the first place. In the process of connecting to your loving self via meeting with your ex, you’re picking up on some signs that make you think that maybe they’re not quite over you, such as…
5. They are judgmental about your new partner.
You tell your ex that you’ve recently begun talking to someone new. Your ex tries to act happy for you, but at the same time asks questions about the person’s job or interests, and reacts poorly to the answers you give. Perhaps your ex tells you that they hope this person treats you right or questions your happiness with them.
Your ex may be a stand up guy or gal that just wishes the best for you, or judging by their judging tone, no one will measure up to them and therefore you should just go back to where you were pre-breakup.
6. They often talk about “the good old days” to you and others.
You run into your ex at a mutual friend’s party. You ask them how they are. They’re good, they say. It’s awkward for a moment until your ex begins talking about memories you two share from your relationship. The horrible sunburn you got during your Fourth of July vacation. The day you went on the Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey ride at Universal Studios three times. The time you fell down on the train platform and cracked your tooth.
You share a moment of eye contact and in that moment it’s so clear your ex is yearning for those memories to be reality once more.
7. In fact, you see them at the same parties every weekend.
If your ex keeps showing up to the same social events that you attend, they may be trying to see you on purpose. Perhaps this isn’t odd because you have the same circle of friends. If that’s the case, try to catch a glimpse of your ex here and there throughout the night. If you catch them looking your way, you’re definitely on their mind.
If you and your ex do not have the same group of friends, yet your ex is showing up at the parties you attend regardless, something here is amiss. Does this count as a form of stalking? Yikes, let’s hope not.
8. If your ex hints to the fact that they miss anything about you, they most likely want you back.
“Wow, there’s that laugh of yours,” or, “We need to hang out more,” are two examples of what this form of missing you may sound like. If you want this person back, this is your time to pounce. They obviously feel the same way and they’re ready to make things work.
They tell you how they’ve changed for the better and tell you how great you look. Go, go, go! And that could mean “go” like a “go get ’em tiger,” or “go” in a “get out of there! Danger! They still love you!” way.
Okay gang, you’ve seen the signs. The ball is in your court so use strategy to play this next round.
Before you play, though, think about your own mental health. What caused the breakup in the first place? If the relationship was unhealthy in any way, seriously take some time to do some soul searching and ask yourself what actions will make you happier and healthier in the long run. Take care of yourself in ways that will make you grow as an individual. This breakup may have been necessary for you to evolve a certain skill or emotion. Rely on friends, journal about your feelings, and focus on surrounding yourself with positive energy until you are ready to face your past with your newfound strength.