Karen Belz
June 22, 2017 1:26 pm
Scott Webb / Unsplash

Marriage is a serious commitment. And while there’s no specific age in which you should get married (since it’s different for every relationship) there are definitely a few signs that you got married too young. Since, let’s face it — relationships, finances, and families have changed up quite a bit from when our parents were growing up.

First, a little bit of data. Back in 2015, the median age for a first marriage was 29 for a man, and 27 for a woman. According to the Census, it was around 22 for a man and 20 for a woman just a little before the 1960’s. In fact, right around the ’60s, couples began waiting a bit.

There are more than a few reasons that probably factor into this decision. For one, a lot of couples just don’t have the financial stability they might have had back in the day, with student loans and rents that have reportedly skyrocketed around 60%. Other couples just don’t feel ready. But, that doesn’t mean that getting married young is totally extinct.

If you fall into the category, and couldn’t wait to be wed, here are a few signs that maybe it would have been good to have had a few more years invested before saying “I Do.”

1You didn’t know about his or her debt.

When you get married, debt becomes everyone’s issue. But if you got married and didn’t even realize it existed, that’s a major problem that can lead to a lot of disputes in the future. Strong couples aren’t afraid to talk to each other about financial issues — even if the news is bad. While it’s totally fine to marry someone with debt (especially since so many of us have it) the secrecy is the real concern here. And if you found out accidentally, it might be a sign that your husband or wife isn’t comfortable enough to be honest.

2You lost that loving feeling immediately after the wedding.

Sometimes people think they’re ready for married life. Instead, all they want is to have a wedding. Of course, there’s a ton of appeal over wearing a gorgeous dress or suit and celebrating love with your friends and family. But, from that day forward, you turn into a united front. And if you find yourself just not connecting with your partner right after getting those wedding photos back, you might not be ready for that responsibility.

3You no longer share any of the same interests.

 Back then, you both liked the same kind of music and going to the same place. But now? Well, you couldn’t be more different. In fact, it’s almost like you married someone else. It’s normal for people to change and grow as time goes on, but since a lot of that growth usually happens well out of college, sometimes you might find yourself not even knowing your husband or wife anymore. Or even worse, maybe you actually despise a few of their latest hobbies.

4You find yourself preferring the company of your friends.

Friends are super important to have. But if you’ve been blowing off date night in favor of dance night at the bar with the ladies, it’s a sign that you’re not prioritizing your partner. It’s important to go out every once in awhile to blow off steam, but it’s also important to keep your relationship strong.

5You’re a little too obsessed with wanting to be a mom.

Love and marriage often means that babies could be on the way. If you really want a baby, you might focus on getting the whole process started before you’re mentally ready. For the ladies, just remember — you don’t need to be married to be a mom. Would it be easier? Well, sure. But having kids while not digging your husband or wife will be even more of a headache.

6 You see nothing wrong with having a wandering eye.

Flirting is a lot of fun, we totally get it. But if you’re finding yourself chatting up other men and women constantly while married, it’s a big red flag. If you use the excuse that you “never got to enjoy your dating period,” you’re giving yourself an excuse to keep going. Yes, you have permission to find other people attractive. But acting on that, or giving off the impression that you’re available, is going down a rocky road.

7You’re constantly stressed out.

It’s 2018. You’re going to have a certain amount of stress following you around every day. You’re only human. But if you have feelings of “I can’t do this” when it comes to co-managing a household, it could be because you’re not ready for the responsibility. Overall, your life should be fun and filled with joy, not a total burden from the moment you wake up.

8You feel like you’re playing the role of “wife.”

Don’t lie — you’ve Googled “how to be a good wife” more than once. Really, you shouldn’t have had to. There’s no right or wrong way to take on the role. Your significant other should have married you because they liked your personality, and knew that the two of you could grow together. He or she didn’t marry you because you know how to put dishes in a dishwasher. In your 20’s and 30’s, you normally build an interesting level of confidence as the years go on. When you get married, you shouldn’t have to take on a “role” — you should be nothing more than a great version of you, which took years to build up.

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