Karen Fratti
September 25, 2017 2:46 pm
NBC

For some reason, when it comes to love and dating, we walk around with all have these silly ideas of perfection. We search for our One True Love™. And when we think we’ve found them, we insist on making sure everyone knows how right they are for you. But it can be very dangerous to think that someone you’re dating is “perfect.” It’s great that you think your partner is the bees knees and can do no wrong in your eyes, but putting someone on a pedestal is never going to work out the way you want.

Mainly, it’s a bad idea because no one is perfect.

Just like you don’t want to go around dating people who don’t meet your personal standards of excellence, you also don’t want to go through your dating life assuming that everyone you fall for is a freaking superhero. It’s like setting up a trap for yourself.

Here are some very good reasons you want to avoid thinking your S.O. is total perfection.

1You’re not seeing the real them.

Like we said, no one is perfect. Which means that bae, while totally great, is also almost definitely not the first perfect person in history. Just trust us. If you make it known that you think your partner is a dream, they might be scared to open up to you about some of their not-so-perfect stuff, which can put an emotional strain on your relationship. Give them some room to be human.

2You can set yourself up for disappointment.

Your dream partner is going to mess up. Maybe it will be a small thing, like forgetting your favorite dessert, or a big thing like straight-up lying to you about something major. The point is, if you put someone on a pedestal, it will make it so much harder to put yourself — and your relationship — back together when they fall.

3You’re negging yourself.

Uh, P.S. everyone: In a healthy relationship, both partners are equal! If you’re putting someone on a pedestal, you’re putting yourself down possibly by extension. You’re not perfect either, but they should love and appreciate you for the amazing human being that you are. You both get to be heroes.

4You might make them insecure.

It’s a lot of pressure to be perfect! You know how in almost every TV show, you hate the parents who put their kids through the ringer with expectations of perfection, Nate Archibald-style? The more you point out how “perfect” someone is or could be, the more you might make them notice their less than desirable traits. Or feel like they can’t live up to your expectations, and that’s a terrible way to make someone feel, even if you do it by accident.

5It can make them hard to replace.

What happens when you and The Perfect Person break up? Some of us romanticize our relationships in a way that makes it hard to see how crappy someone actually treated us or that we weren’t really the best fit. This happens more, it seems, when we go into it all thinking we found our one and only soulmate. If the relationship ends, it can be hard to find someone who will fill the void because no one will live up to the idealized version of them that lives in your mind.

6Loving imperfections is more fun.

Who knows what “true love” really means, honestly? We’re constantly working it out, but we have a sense that it has something to do with seeing a person for who they truly are, less-than-perfect qualities included. Loving someone because they’re not perfect (but def trying their best at life!) can feel so much more authentic than glossing over things. You want someone to love you for all your quirks and flaws, too, right?

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