Amanda Malamut
Updated Feb 18, 2017 @ 10:45 am
couple wedding
Credit: Amanda Malamut

My fiancé Katy and I are getting married in March 2018 and I couldn’t be more excited about it. And we’re lucky that our friends and family are just as excited as we are. There has been one thing, though, that I didn’t realize was going to be a thing. I mean, I should have seen it coming a mile away: strangers giving their unprompted advice and asking personal questions. I’m sure that’s normal for every couple, but we’ve been hearing The Gay Wedding questions. We’re both women, so that confuses some people. I get it, many people haven’t been to gay wedding. But the fact of the matter is that most of the questions we hear boil down to one thing: the lack of a guy in the picture.

Here are 5 things that I really, really wish people would stop asking me.

What are you going to wear?

Are we going to both wear dresses? Suits? What about one suit and one dress? Look, I know what you’re asking. Which one of us is going to be the ‘dude’ at the wedding? I promise you, even if my fiancé is wearing a suit or a tux, she is going to still be a lady. Since you know, we’re both gay.

How did you know who was going to propose?

I’ve noticed that some people get really confused when there isn’t a guy in the picture to propose. How could we ever solve such a conundrum? I’ll let you in on a little secret: my fiancé and I….talk to each other. I know, it’s so weird. When the time came when we were talking about getting married in the future, we also talked about who wanted to propose. She wanted to do it, so she proposed to me in July. It’s that simple folks.

How is INSERT RANDOM TRADITION going to work?

Who’s going to walk down the aisle first? Are you both going to do a father/daughter dance? Do you have guys in your wedding party? The list goes on and on. We’re going to do whatever we want. Don’t get me wrong, there are wedding traditions that I absolutely adore, but that doesn’t mean it has a place at our wedding. Like any couple, we don’t have to adhere to a script. But don’t assume that just because we’re both women that we’re going to deviate from the norm entirely.

Who’s paying for the wedding?

How are we ever going to figure out who is paying for different parts of the wedding if there isn’t a man in the picture? What will we do? Don’t ask me about the financial aspect of my wedding, even though you’re confused because of tradition. Unless you’re giving me money, then you can talk to me as long as you want.

What about kids? Have you thought about…?

I know many couples get inundated with this question. As soon as marriage is in the picture and then all of a sudden everyone wants to know about your take on babies. I think babies are super cute, but that doesn’t mean I want to tell you about whether we’re going to have biological kids or adopt or whatever we decide to do. It’s not a more acceptable topic because we’re ladies.

I don’t mind talking to random people about my wedding. I actually love doing it. I just don’t want the first question on your lips to be something so glaringly obvious. Ask me what kind of music or food we want. Or what the venue is like. I’m super proud of being a lesbian, and I’m super excited about marrying my best friend. I also generally don’t mind answering people’s questions. However, privacy is a thing. Don’t ask a person you barely know about ultra-personal details. Don’t treat me like an oddity — I’m marrying a woman, not an alien (I’m 99 percent sure she isn’t at least).

So don’t assume, and be respectful.