Mary Grace Garis
January 07, 2016 7:28 am

For those of us on the East Coast who enjoyed a tights-free Christmas, this sudden cold front is a real punch in the boob. I know, I know, it’s January and not even Polar Vortex-ing like it was last year, but the shift is so sudden I’m suspect that my favorite ice queen brought it on. As much as the cold does bother me, I have a sick obsession with Frozen akin to any toddler in an Elsa costume, and a large part of that has to do with how it shapes #relationshipgoals.

True story: I’m very much Elsa with my social anxiety (and snow powers), but my best friend is full Anna in the gets-engaged-to-someone-she-just-met kind of way. When we saw the film in theaters 2 years back it was uncanny. Seriously, though, you have to love it how it honestly unravels the classically ridiculous Disney love story format, leaving something almost real.

Talking snowmen aside.

Anyway, bundle up, because here is everything Frozen taught me about impromptu proposals, evil boyfriends and love being an open door…or not.

You can’t marry a man you just met.

Elsa tells Anna this verbatim when the latter asks for the former’s blessing, and I was so utterly stunned by the pure logic I almost choked on my popcorn. Anna (dear, sweet, innocent Anna) argues that you can if it’s true love, because I guess she was raised on copious rewatches of Cinderella and Snow White like the rest of us. I get it. But as Elsa and later Kristoff points out, you really need to bond with someone for like, more than two minutes and seven seconds before you get engaged. Like, just because you finish each other’s sandwiches doesn’t mean he’s your soulmate.

The first guy you ever fall in love with will inevitably be evil.

Again, popcorn lodged in my throat I was so excited about Hans’ big reveal, because I called him wanting the kingdom from a mile away. Why? Um, because I’ve been a woman for a long time now and even if they start off great, not all men turn out to be Prince Charming. Not all of them will try to have you and your sister killed in order acquire land, but like, still. If you’ve never been in love before, watch out for that first heartbreak, because it’s a doozy.

But the second person you love with will be basically be your soulmate, so no worries.

Ok, listen, I adore Kristoff. Some may call him a fixer-upper, I call him an utter delight. But at this point I really need to take you by the hand and reassure you that, well, your second boyfriend is also not necessarily the one.

HEY, I DON’T MAKE THE RULES. I’m also not saying that your follow-up to your first love won’t be a sweetheart who would fight through a blizzard to kiss you. It’s plausible, and if that happens for you, wonderful! I hope you, him, and his reindeer all live a very happy life together. All I want to point out is that Frozen softens the blow of the Hans reveal by having Kristoff as a back-up boyfriend from the get-go, and things don’t tie together that neatly sometimes. That’s all.

Sometimes you need to have your friends spell out other people’s feelings for you.

Olaf, the sun-loving snowman with a heart of…um, probably snow, somehow ends up a voice of reason in Anna’s darkest moment. After getting rejected by Hans, she faces the harsh reality that she really doesn’t know what true love is. But that strangely insightful little guy has the answer.

“Love is putting someone else’s needs before yours,” he says “Like, you know, how Kristoff brought you back here to Hans and left you forever.” It’s here that Anna realizes that—duh-doy—Kristoff is the one that loves her. Now they can live happily ever after (well, happily ever after after all the assorted drama happening around them). Moral of the story? You definitely want to have an Olaf on hand to spell out your crush’s feels for you, especially if you need a true love’s kiss to save you from being frozen to death.

True love doesn’t necessarily equate to romantic love…but you should be receptive to both.

I know I’ve said this in a million columns before, but it bears repeating: sisters before misters. Incidentally, said misters seem to cause Anna more stress than her weather-tampering sibling does. I will say this: though Anna gets a lot wrong about true love in the beginning, she gets major points for being open to love something that her fear-striken sister is unable to do for the core of the film. Love, in all its forms, is ultimately what saves the day, so don’t be afraid to let it warm you.

[Image via Disney]

You May Like