Marti Schodt
February 13, 2015 7:50 am

Ok guys, Valentine’s Day is basically (almost) now so if you don’t have anyone to throw rose petals at it’s time for plan B(ae). There are plenty of viable Valentine’s Day date candidates out there who are just waiting for your call, tweet, or journey into a different (possibly fictional) realm. Here are some options for your approval. Seriously these fictional faves would be the absolute BEST valentines. Is there a way to make this happen? No? Only in our minds? Good enough.

Elle Woods

Who wouldn’t want to spend Valentine’s Day with Elle Woods?! The woman bleeds pink. You would wake up to a house full of balloons and teddy bears and that little heart confetti stuff that stays in your hair for years after you’ve opened your gift bag. You’d spend the day baking and voguing and probably saving the world through legislative action because Elle cares about your long term security.

Indiana Jones

I have to be honest, looking at Harrison Ford all day would be enough for me. Maybe we’d chase some baddies or find some buried treasure, but if he wanted to lay in bed eating cheese all day that would be fine too.

Matthew from Downton Abbey

Matthew would spend multiple hours telling you how beautiful and charming and intelligent you are, and how you’re the only one for him no matter what happens. Then he would save your family’s inheritance twice just for funsies.

Danny Castellano from The Mindy Project

Danny would probably try to get you to work out in the morning or eat healthy or something, but then he would realize how cute you are and decide to join you in eating ice cream with a ladle. He might complain about how dumb Valentine’s Day is but then he’d surprise you with a choreographed dance routine to your fave Aaliyah song.

Jim from The Office

Jim would make a video all about how much he loves you and then he would play pranks on Dwight all day just because he knows it makes you laugh. You might go out to get food somewhere together, but you would probably just go home because you wouldn’t want to share him with anyone else ever.

Chandler Bing 

Chandler Bing would make Valentine’s Day very memorable by eating that cheesecake you made and then walking away. Because let’s be real he would never leave Monica for you (or for anyone). I’m sorry.

Westley from The Princess Bride

Westley’s whole “as you wish” thing would be really great on Valentine’s Day because you would have full reign over all activities and food options. If you wanna eat burritos on a bench in the zoo then “as you wish,” and if any giant mutant rodents try to interfere he’ll take care of all that while you dig in the bag for extra hot sauce.

Leslie Knope

Leslie would make every dream you’ve ever had come true before 10 a.m. and then she’d have to go to work. But you’d make her a huge waffle buffet for dinner and then you’d watch Game of Thrones until you fell asleep in her arms.

Uncle Jesse from Full House

Spending Valentine’s Day with Uncle Jesse is a chance to fulfill all of your ’90s fantasies in a 24-hour period. There would be music, there would be leather, and there would be impeccable hair. For some reason I also feel confident that there would be puppies. Have mercy.

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