Annie Cavalero
June 23, 2014 12:05 pm

Did you love your ex’s face, but not his personality? Want a do-over with ‘the one that got away?’ (Or, a chance with The One’s stunt double?) Well, well, Match.com has got the service for you! Match.com is making it possible for humans to date an ex’s doppelgänger, using facial recognition software that pairs users with people who share physical characteristics with their former flames. You send in pictures of your ex and, partnering with L.A.-based company Three Day Rule, Match.com finds lookalike matches. This kind of forensic profiling service costs $5,000.

UMMMMMM WHAT.

So, here are two thoughts I have on this. 1) If I had this kind of hot cash lying around, there are a lot of other things I’d do besides blow it on something this creepy, like rescue all the homeless dogs and cats in the world, or feed starving children, or pay off that non-returnable vegan clutch I bought online at 2am after a few glasses of wine. 2) Why would I want to date my ex again? Looking at someone with such a familiar face will just remind me of the time he said he could never love another woman as much as he loves his mother, or the time I gave all his shoes to Goodwill after we broke up. If you don’t like someone, and don’t like who you become with them, why would you want to repeat the cycle?

BUT, I will give Match.com this: Most people tend to go for a certain physical look. My buddy only dates girls who look like pocket-size pixie dream girls, sort of like if Tinkerbell mated with a hipster. And one of my exes is engaged to a girl who could be my long-lost twin. (I know this because a friend texted from a party asking what I was doing there with my ex. . .when I was, in fact, actually at home in sweats, a bucket of ice cream in my lap, deep down the dark rabbit hole of Facebook stalking the girl in question.)

So, while people do have a type, and this might be a great way to find people who look like that Dream Groom (or Bride) on your Future Wedding Pinterest Board, I personally don’t think it helps in the life partner department. Sure, my fiancé looks a lot like an ’80s bad guy (exactly my type), but that’s not why I’m marrying him! I’m marrying him because he has the biggest heart, makes me laugh harder than anybody I know, and is my teammate and biggest champion.

I only took Psychology 101 in college, but I’m pretty sure that qualifies me to say this: If this service sounds like a good idea to you, there may be some unresolved issues here. Like, you’re not over your ex. If you have that kind of disposable income, maybe a wiser choice would be to spend it on therapy to help you figure out why you want to date his/her clone? Or why your top priority when it comes to dating is appearance? Do you really want your wedding vows to start with, “I knew I loved him when I saw how similar his face was to that other face from a failed relationship?”

For real, though. Would you do this? (And tangential question: Can I just send in these pictures of my “exes” and have the facial recognition thingy find average citizen versions of them?)

I mean, RIGHT??!!

All images via Shutterstock

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