An Open Letter to Brides (From Your Bridesmaids)
To Our Currently Pinterest-Board-Addicted, Style-Me-Pretty-Obsessed Bride-to-Be and (Usually) Lovely and Wonderful Friend,
Congratulations! We are honored to be your bridesmaids. We are happy you have found the love of your life and we are here to support you through this crazy major life event. This wedding thing is SO exciting and we love you SO MUCH and, because we love you, we need to point out the following things about your special day:
When you ask us if we would consider waiting to get pregnant until after the wedding so we don’t “ruin the pictures,” we will try to remember that “bridezilla” is a real disease and you just can’t help yourself.
We can’t tell the difference between cream and ivory, but we can tell from your tears that it is important and serious and your dress should be remade if that will halt this meltdown.
Please please don’t invite us over for a girl’s night and, when we arrive, tell us we’re making 200 “s’mores in a bag” and make us stay until they’re done at 3:30am. Just ask us to help outright. We will!
We’re not exactly sure what “rustic elegance” is. Those words mean opposite things. Oh, wait . . .You want us to bedazzle those 267 pine cones you and your beloved foraged in the woods? Sure, cool, no problem, we see your vision now, but that’s a lot of pine cones.
We will never, ever wear the dress again. Don’t use that as a justification for spending $575 on it.
The $575 dress we just bought covers our feet. So no one will see our feet. Please don’t make us buy $200 shoes so all of our hidden feet match, too! We love you, but we don’t need matching-hidden feet.
Know this: We will be good sports about whomever we’re paired with to walk down the aisle—even if it is your two dogs, whom you’ve dressed in matching doggie versions of the bridesmaid dresses.
We will support you in whichever wedding gown you want to buy—even the tight mermaid cut one with 100 hooks down the back that requires us to accompany you to the bathroom. We will go the bathroom with you because that is what good friends do.
When you plan a destination wedding and then suggest we go to Mexico for a “Botox bachelorette bonanza,” we will accept you for who you are (but we might make jokes about this to each other later).
And, most importantly, we will never say any of this to your face because our love and excitement for you and the joy we feel to be a part of your Big Day overpowers each and every one of these annoyances. Just please, please, no more DIY nights.