Specific types of online daters I've learned to avoid
Internet dating has changed our social lives so much over the past 20 years, and while sometimes it’s great, there is definitely a downside, like when you’re sifting through a bunch of uninspiring messages such as: “I love dark-haired girls,” “Ur sexy,” or “Hit me up if you want to come over tonight.”
I once had a stranger write me angry messages about how he wouldn’t date a Mexican girl (I never asked him out) and how we’re a dime a dozen. If you use dating sites long enough, you start to see a pattern of behavior. For me, it involved guys who reached out, seemed interested, but then flaked on dates. I also had run-ins with men who desperately wanted me to share more pictures in my profile, because four weren’t enough.
Granted, we have more ways of isolating the specific nature of people’s interest these days—Tinder, Grindr, Blendr exist for random hookups—but I’m mostly referring to the sites where you invest a good amount of time filling out a thorough profile, putting up your fave pictures, and hoping for the best. Except I’m also prepared for the worst. Take it from me, if you’re looking for a meaningful relationship, these are the types of folks you should absolutely avoid:
The One Who’s Only in Town for a Few Days
This person took the time to create a dating profile simply to say that he or she is only going to be in town for a few days. First off, why are they in town with no one to hang out with? Are they here on business? Are they actually couch-surfing and hoping to crash at your place for the night? Run the other way. Unless you’re into drifters, you’re probably looking for something a little more stable and a lot less creepy.
The One Who Fell Off the Planet
This type really makes steam come out of my ears. You go out on a date or two and then you don’t hear back at all. What gives? My experience has taught me that when I’ve met someone on a dating site with whom I had good chemistry but who then stopped talking to me, it was usually because he was already seeing someone else. When someone likes you, they don’t just stop talking to you for no reason. I wish I could tell you how to spot this person, but it’s tough. You need to be OK knowing that there are some people out there who might use you to find out how they really feel about another person. Keep an eye out for people who text back irregularly and are vague about their personal situation in general.
The One Who Settles For Zero Chemistry
Sometimes, you meet someone who seems really nice but with whom you just don’t feel that somersault in your stomach. Yet they still seem interested in hanging out, so you do. This goes on for several dates until it starts to feel like it’s becoming exclusive. If you don’t have the urge to kiss someone that you’ve been on two dates with, get out before you end up in a relationship with them. After all, you’re using online dating because you want to get to know more people, weigh your options, and find what works for you. The longer you keep seeing this person, the more time you’re wasting, and someone’s going to get hurt. Plus, who needs a relationship that starts with no chemistry when so many have trouble maintaining it anyway?
The One Who Gets Upset When You Don’t Reply
My favorite thing about online dating is that if I get a message from someone who doesn’t interest me, I just don’t respond. I don’t think this is a big deal, because I believe that I’m under no obligation to reply to someone that I’ve never met. (And if their initial message is written poorly, forget about it.) Some people get extremely wound up about this. I once had a man write a long screed about how I’m not the “good girl” that my profile said I was (at the time, I described myself that way because I donate money and don’t curse in front of old people) because I didn’t respond to him when he was nice enough to ask me out on a date. Two paragraphs later, he offered me another chance. If this total stranger can’t handle the lack of response from someone he doesn’t even know, there’s no telling how he will handle actual problems in his life, but chances are: not well. My friends, use the block option as frequently as you’d like.
Here are some bonus types to whom I also say “no dice”:
- The One With the Bathroom-Selfie Profile Pic: Here is someone who felt their best angle was via a bathroom mirror, often in a state of undress. Nope.
- The One With “No Time For Drama”: The fact that someone felt the need to write this at all means that they tend to attract drama anyway. Ironic, doncha think?
- The One Who Doesn’t Know What To Say: You know what? We all struggle with filling out the profile, but if he or she couldn’t think of one darn tootin’ thing, what are you guys going to talk about?
[Image via here]