This Is How Sex Changes Once You Move In With Your Partner
Sorry, but the honeymoon phase is over.
When you sign a lease with your partner, you can expect some growing pains as you learn how to share a space, divvy up household chores, and adjust to seeing each other every day. But what you might not realize is that your sex life changes when you move in together, too. And it can take a while to find a new groove.
Before moving in, if you wanted to have sex you had to make plans to hang out. The anticipation would build throughout the day—maybe you'd text each other at work, then go out for dinner or see a movie—and then, the extra fun part would begin. But once you live together, all that mystery, intrigue, and waiting and wanting is gone. For some couples, that can make sex boring, and some may even find that the lack of distance leaves them feeling less interested than usual.
For other couples, though, being around each other 24/7 actually results in better sex. You may find yourselves in bed several times a day and learning more about what you both want as a result. Instead of sex falling to the wayside or becoming vanilla, you suddenly can't get enough of each other.
Ultimately, your sex life is exactly what you make it, so it'll be up to you and your partner to figure out what works best for your new lives together. With that in mind, read on for all the ways your sex life will change once you share a space with your partner, according to experts.
You might have sex less often
Chances are you'll have nonstop sex the first week you live together because everything's new and exciting. And you have your own bed to fall into whenever you please. But it may not take long for the novelty to wear off, Diana Sadat, a registered clinical counselor and virtual sex therapist, tells HelloGiggles.
"Generally, we see that sex lives for couples tend to decrease once they move in together," she says. "The biggest reason for this is, generally, moving in together signifies a solidifying of the relationship, and we know that security tends to make relationships more intimately close but less sexually hot."
Basically, when you're seeing each other every day in your dirty pajamas—and you're paying bills and vacuuming the living room—it doesn't exactly scream "sexy." But also the longing disappears, since you're no longer spending days or weeks apart. "We need to have space in order to breed eroticism and hotness towards a partner," Sadat says.
But never fear. You can bring that eroticism back by flirting with each other, spending time apart whenever possible—by having your own hobbies, friends, etc.—and making a point to reconnect and have sex, even if it's at the end of a really long day.
Your sex life could become a bit boring
Usually, you move in with a partner because you're ready to take things to the next level, and typically, that means you've been together for a while. So don't be surprised if moving in coincides with the end of the honeymoon (aka the most exciting) phase of your relationship.
After a few weeks of living together, "sex can become less exciting and potentially a bit boring," Christene Lozano, MS, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified sex addiction therapist, tells HelloGiggles. Again, this goes back to the close proximity and how that leads to familiarity and repetition.
"To keep things healthy, it goes back to communication," Lozano says. "I encourage each partner to look inward to better understand their own sexual desires and share this with their partner." Talk about fantasies and new things you want to try together, and you should have no problem keeping your sex life fun and interesting.
You realize you have to schedule sex
While nothing sounds worse than "scheduling" sex, this is something you might actually have to do once you move in together. And that's because it's so easy to get wrapped up in your day-to-day lives and begin taking each other for granted.
If that happens, "you need to be mindful of creating space and time for sexual connection," Allison Grossman, LMHC, a psychotherapist specializing in relationships and sexuality, tells HelloGiggles. "Maybe it’s getting into bed earlier, planning at-home date nights, or having screen-free evenings together." Figure out what works for you, and if that means literally writing it on the calendar, so be it.
You actually end up having more sex
On the flip side of all those potential downsides, you might find that you and your partner actually start having more sex than you did before, even though you're busy and you see each other every day.
Sharing a space and having more time together obviously increase the opportunities for sex, Lozano says. You might find yourselves having intercourse in the middle of the afternoon, when you first wake up in the morning, on your lunch break—or all of the above.
Not every couples' sex life takes a nosedive after moving in together. It depends on so many factors, including the effort you're both willing to make. So if you want to have more sex, do so by making it a priority.
You'll eventually start having better sex
Of course, living together isn't all vacuuming and bill paying; it also means having more time to get to know each other on an even deeper level. And according to Chasity Chandler, LMHC, MCAP, ICADC, CST, CDWF, a couples counselor and certified sex therapist, the bond that you create as a result can lead to an even more passionate and fulfilling sex life.
That's because great sex isn't just about spontaneity and longing. It can also stem from feeling deeply connected to the person you're with and enjoying the physical and emotional time spent together.
Of course, having your own personal living space won't hurt either, especially if you used to live with roommates. "Having additional privacy that may not have been available before may make things kinkier, and you may feel freer to be your best sexual self," Chandler says. "Inhibitions may just flow out the window."