From Our Readers
January 27, 2015 1:15 pm

You’ve been in love with Person X forever. It’s getting pretty silly at this point, and you’re starting to realize that it’s not going to work out. Maybe they stopped responding to your texts, or they acted dismissive of you at that party. Maybe there were a bunch of things that happened, over time, and gradually it dawned on you: this isn’t going to work.

Realize that it really probably isn’t your fault.

It’s not necessarily something you did or could have changed, it’s just how it is. Even if you had done everything perfectly. Even if you were charming and eloquent in Person X’s presence, instead of clamming up or rambling endlessly, or whatever it is you do when you’re nervous. Sometimes, there’s nothing you could have done.

Forgive yourself for any missteps you might currently be beating yourself up over.

I know you said that one thing, or maybe you didn’t say it. Or there was the night that you were drunk and sent that text. Stop blaming yourself. That thing you said that you wish you could take back? You think it would have changed everything. But what if that’s not true? Sometimes, the world just has different things in store for us. And when you sense that that might be the case, it’s good to move along, or at least to start to urge your heart to move along. I’m not saying that you close up emotional shop overnight—that’s impossible, right? But maybe you start to consider that life might have other people in store for you to meet.

Recognize that there may be some beautiful future that you can’t see yet.

When you’re completely enthralled with someone in particular, it’s hard to see how many other opportunities there are, or how many cool people you will meet who are all awesome in their own individual ways.

Keep your heart open.

There are 7 billion people in the world, which means that Person X is not the only source of love, companionship, intimacy, laughter, joy, or pretty eyes. Seven billion people means that there might just be someone out there for you.

So where can you meet them? Networking events. Online dating. Bars. Running groups. Think about the kind of person you want to be with and where they might be hanging out. Are you the kind of person who hangs out there? If not, get there. And when you’re around Person X, remember this: people tend to forgive your missteps. Sure, you might have done some pretty awkward things when you were interested in them, but if you start treating them like a normal person, they’ll forget that. They’ll forget, and eventually, it will matter far less to you (even if you don’t believe that right now). In the meantime, all you have to do is be kind and be cool. That means: don’t treat them like a leper just because they aren’t interested in dating you.

Instead, enjoy your time with Person X.

Enjoy the beautiful soul that is this person, but don’t make that mean that they owe you anything. They are not a prize to be won. They are just a cool person having an experience on this planet, just like you, and your paths have intersected, however briefly. Celebrate that, and just remember: be kind and be cool, and everything will be alright.

Kristyn Childres is a writer and life coach. Download your free copy of her e-book, Flight: Finding Your Way to a Happier Life. You can also find her on Twitter or read more of her articles here.

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