Rachel Paige
May 25, 2016 3:30 pm
NBC

It was Saturday night, right around the time where it makes sense for you to get dressed and go out, but also you’ve been in your comfy lounge pants for so long, why bother putting on real pants for like five hours at this point? That was the time. I wasn’t even doing anything of significance. That’s when I started scrolling through Facebook, as you do when you’re bored, and saw a friend of a friend of a friend like a picture on an old friend of a friend’s Facebook page. It was a wedding picture. This long-lost friend had just gotten married.

Before I knew what was happening, I was in a spinning vortex of Facebook picture descending further and further into a giant black hole. I was in WAY TOO DEEP, and suddenly I was MAD. I was mad that the friend had gotten married five hours ago, and there weren’t 500+ pictures of the wedding for me to look at. I needed to see her dress. I needed to see the bridesmaids dresses. I needed to see the cake and the dessert spread and literally EVERYTHING about this wedding that there’s no way in hell I would have ever been invited to in the first place.

There’s nothing wrong with getting married. There’s nothing wrong with posting pictures. There’s nothing wrong with looking at the pictures. For me, there’s everything wrong with the fact that I was cursing the Instagram Gods over the fact that many pictures tagged with the couple’s wedding hashtag were on private Instagrams, and I couldn’t see them.

This is a spiral I fall in to quite often. It happened not once, but four times last weekend, since four of my Facebook friends got married — and still, no way I would have been invited to any of their weddings. But since we we’re digital ~friends~ I could experience the wedding as if I was there, and soon I was texting a friend halfway across the country saying, “OMG, DID YOU SEE WHAT KATIE WAS WEARING?”

This is my cry for help.

I’m not even that into weddings. Honestly just the thought of attending a wedding — yet alone, ack, getting married myself one day — stresses me the hell out. I don’t even fantasize about my own wedding; I fantasize about the next pizza I’m going to eat. So for me to be constantly scrolling through wedding pictures of people I vaguely know on the internet is kinda really weird to me. Yet, I can’t stop doing it. These pictures are simply begging for me to look at them.

I have no relationship with the new couple, I have no investment in their happy life together, but I still crave these pictures in the same way I crave new images from the next Star Wars movie. For me, I guess it boils down to enjoyment. I enjoy looking at these pictures, and how happy everyone is, and trying to figure out just HOW GOOD the wedding cake was (it was probably really good, judging from the picture).

I also know I can’t be the only person on the planet to partake in this activity, since from the looks of it lately, everyone is getting married and posting pictures to Facebook. Everyone. Except for me, because I’m just a bystander in this. But I’m a bystander enjoying the hell out of it. If you post 1,200 wedding pictures and you’re like “OMG, who is even going to look at all of them?” you can bet all your wedding gifts I will look at all 1,200 of your pictures. That’s my confession.

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