Kit Steinkellner
June 26, 2014 8:00 am

Even if you never watched the Jersey Shore (like you were too busy attending the symphony and volunteering at your local soup kitchen to waste your time on frivolities like reality television) chances are the names Snooki and J-Woww still mean something to you. The 2009-2012 reality series made itself right at home in the cultural zeitgeist and caused controversy left and right with its cheesy, party-hardy portrayal of young Jersey-based Italian-Americans.

The show’s bread and butter was the straight-up crazy-times antics of its core cast. A few years after the show shuttered, I expected these train wrecks and hot messes to still be doing their hot-mess-train-wreck thing. I expected wrong. It looks like a lot of the cast is about as settled and stable as you can expect reality stars to be.

Recently Sammi and Ronnie (on-again off-again Sammi and Ronnie, whom—I think I can speak for basically everyone when I say this—we all expected to have ended up permanently off-again) had a circus date with Ronnie’s family, where the two, according to US Weekly, looked like they were super happy and in love (and NO I do NOT think these two are good enough actors to fake love, or happiness, or, like, anything) and practicing their parenting skills with Ronnie’s younger siblings.

Unlike their fellow former Jersey Shore cast members, the two don’t have a show (Paulie D. and Vinnie are starring in their own respective reality vehicles, Snooki and J-Woww are sharing the spotlight on their show, “The Situation” has bulked up, yes, all his muscles, but also his reality resume with Celebrity Big Brother and Dancing With The Stars) but if Sammi and Ronnie have a life-is-good thing going on right now, they might not NEED another reality show. If Jersey Shore didn’t completely ruin them, maybe they can just stay not ruined? I love reality TV but I absolutely think it’s like the closest thing we have to Voldemort plus Darth Vader plus Sauron. It just turns everyone so evil! And how could it not? It’s Voldemort PLUS Darth Vader PLUS Sauron!

That said, Sammi and Ronnie aren’t the only Jersey Shore cast members who seem immune to the life-ruining powers of reality television. Snooki is still together with her baby-daddy, Jionni. They’re building a home together and expecting a second child, and the biggest tabloid scoop in Snooki’s life right now is that she’s too pregnant to fit into her old bathing suit (Seriously, this is what the paparazzi is gossiping their mouths off about, because, I don’t know, they were having the slowest news day ever?) Meanwhile, when it comes to J-Woww the media is firestorming not about a sex tape or a mug shot but the sonogram this 9-months-about-to-pop-pregnant lady had taken recently (J-Woww, it should be noted, is engaged to the father of her child).

I can’t help but be impressed with how these women have kept their lives together. Reality television is super-evil (my favorite kind of evil, but nevertheless, evil) but somehow these young women seem to be functioning awesomely despite the three-ring insanity that was their lives for five-plus years. Well played, ladies.

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