Out of sight, out of mind? More like out of sight, IN my mind
Let’s be real. The mantra “out of sight, out of mind” is BULSH. By the way, do you like bulsh? Katie invented it on our podcast. It means bullish** (duh). Back to my point: “out of sight, out of mind,” is crazy. I want to meet whoever came up with that, because not only do I vehemently disagree, but I also just don’t understand. Sir, (I’m assuming it was a man who first said this) do you have super-human will power? Do you have ZERO imagination? Are you a sociopath?
I might have the brain of an insane person, but the out of sight, out of mind guy has the brain of a PSYCHO. The difference between us, I guess, is that when I meet someone I like (and don’t be so presumptuous, bbs, I’m talking platonic likes as well), my mind runs rampant. But when Mr. Anonymous meets someone they like, their mind stays calm and goes nowhere, then forgets they ever met that person after they’re gone. If I sound like a cliché of a woman (which no one is), then he sounds like the cliché of a careless, insensitive man (which he might be. . .JK JK, that cliché is ridiculous too, men are very, very sensitive).
The amount of thoughts and questions I have about new people, especially those I have a connection with, are limitless. It’s not often that I meet someone and immediately feel like they could become a part of my life. When it comes to people I’ve known my entire life, distance doesn’t cause the things I miss about them to dull over time. My ability to deal with the separation anxiety gets better, the tools (the Internet) I have to distract myself and communicate from a long distance make it easier —and so in turn, I feel better. But it’s never as simple as, “I’m physically away from them, so I’m now emotionally away from them as well.” Hell to the no.
Here are some examples. (Sidenote: the names in these stories have been changed to protect my subjects. LOL KIDDING, the names in these stories have been changed to protect ME, MYSELF, and I)
1. Childhood besties
Molly and Lena were best friends until Lena moved away. It was 7th grade. HOW INSANE do you have to be to move a child in 7th grade! Hello! It’s a crucial time in a young girl’s life. The following years, as you can imagine, were typical —they were very dramatic. The girls each made new friends, they even made new best friends, but they never made new old best friends, because you can’t make new old friends.
Their friendships with the new BFFs in high school were often tested because. . .because it’s high school. They liked the same boys as their friends, they wanted to make the same sports teams as their friends, and they had to choose sides. But they had a tool no one else had. A long distance BFF. Someone away from it all who couldn’t possibly choose any side but the side their bestie was on. Someone who had an entire school, NO, an entire city of different boys to have a crush on. Someone who didn’t even play sports, let alone the same sports as you. Distance was the key. It was their BFF survival method. They didn’t forget each other, they missed each other, they often thought about what it would be like to have each other at parties when they felt weird, or at sleepovers when they felt anxious, but they learned to use the situation to their advantage.
2. College life
Theo got into a GREAT college. Everyone was so proud. We get it! College is dope! It was 3,000 miles away from his family in Seattle. Bittersweet. BUT SUCH IS LIFE THEO! GET ON WITH IT. He did. He left. He went to school and he missed his family. His brothers, his sisters, his parents (all four of them). But he didn’t forget they existed because he was far away and his new friends had cool houses to visit during Thanksgiving or Christmas or spring break. He texted his family, he video chatted his family, he emailed his family. But most importantly, he gained a new appreciation for his family. Even the most annoying parts of them became parts of them he missed. The distance made him aware of the skills his parents gave him. HOW CRAZY IS IT THAT PARENTING IS INTENTIONAL!? They’re teaching us things all the time and we don’t even know it!
3. Long-distance love
Susie met Steve in Boston. They hit it off. They had a great time —it was friendly and casual and fun, but mostly it was easy. Neither of them lived in Boston, though. They lived in different cities, in different states, in different countries, but to be honest, that didn’t matter. They’d probably see each other the same amount if Susie lived in Silverlake and Steve lived in Venice because let’s be real, no one is driving that far on a regular basis. But they were friends now and that was that.
After a few days, they were both back where they belonged. A monster would say that was fun, that was that, SEE YA. But a human, A REAL LIFE HUMAN, is going to go back to wherever they came from and get on the Internet. They’re going to go through Instagram and Twitter, and say things like, “see, he’s funny!” to all of their friends. They’re going to day-dream or dream or fantasize or whatever you want to call it about what it could have been. All the fun things they could have done, all the cool sh** they could have taught each other —because it’s hard to meet people you tolerate let alone like, (like. . . like-like).
Long-distance relationships can be a gift. Distance gives you clarity, and perspective, it leaves room for intention and creativity and romance and thought—wherein other times, in the reality of a face-to-face REAL-TIME conversation, you don’t have any of those things.
Everyone! You can stop feeling like a mental disaster because you can’t stop thinking about someone. You can stop feeling like a lunatic because you imagined a future with someone. HELLO. That’s normal. That means you have a working brain and a high-functioning soul. That means you’re not dead. Say yes to the distraction and yes to missing people or thinking about people because then I’ll know we can be friends and you won’t murder me!