Kit Steinkellner
July 18, 2014 9:45 am

The Hollywood paparazzi live on their rumormongering. Like a shark that has to keep swimming to stay alive, tabloid-types apparently have to gossip like crazy about celebs or their gossipy internal organs would just up and stop functioning. You can slate most tabloid talk into predictable categories: “Bump Watch on Female Celebrity X,” “Former Child Star Behaving Badly in Public Area,” “Bachelor May or May Not Go Through With Getting Married To The Chick He Gave The Final Rose To.” Now we can add a new category to the list of Ways The Gossip Rags Make Celebs Pay For Their Success By Making Their Famous Lives Miserable:

Spreading Rumors That Famous Female BFFs Are Actually Hooking Up With Each Other.

Cameron Diaz recently sounded off on the rumors that she and her bestie Drew Barrymore have been romantic together. Here’s how it went down. Earlier this year, Diaz went on record saying that she’s “been with a lady” before (though she refused to be more specific than that, no kissing and telling. Keeping it classy, Cams), and clarified her position on the matter by explaining that: “Sexuality and love can be different things. I can be attracted to a woman sexually, but it doesn’t mean I want to be in love with a woman. If I’m going to be with a woman sexually, it doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian. We put these restraints and definitions on people, but it’s hard to define.”

So Diaz takes what could be gossip and turns it into a teachable moment and that should have been the end of that. But remember that whole thing about paparazzi and sharks and swimming and dying? The gossipers, they must gossip or they will end up dead on Hollywood’s ocean floor. So the paps started spreading rumors that it was Cam’s bestie Drew who she hooked up with. And Diaz once again had to shut that ish down.

“That’s like saying I’m having sex with my sister. Are you crazy? I wouldn’t even ménage with her!” Diaz told Harper’s Bazaar. “Everybody tries things and sees things and checks them out, and either walks away or walks further in. It’s life— it’s what people do. I’m not going to tell people what I’ve done, but I’m also not going to say, ‘No! I would never!’ If I said that, I’d be shaming myself and shaming other people’s choices. I don’t want to add any stigma to someone’s choice.”

Once again, big ups to Diaz for handling the gossip like the classiest of dames. But seriously, tabloids? Step off. Girls can be close and affectionate and love each other and it can be completely platonic, end of story. Spreading rumors about sexual experimentation between friends is the junior high-iest of shenanigans. Quit it, dudes. I think it’s incredibly thoughtful and aware of Diaz to iterate that she’s not into shaming other people’s choices or stigmatizing someone else’s decisions. But hooking up with her girl Drew was NOT a decision she ever made. So let the record show that these friends are JUST friends, and go back to keeping a look out for baby bumps on Real Housewives, over and out.

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