10 Golden Rules of Friendship We Learned From "New Girl"
I don't want to alarm anyone, but I'm about to use all caps because THE NEW SEASON OF NEW GIRL STARTS TONIGHT! Because I cannot wait for more roommate shenanigans, romance, and games of True American, I have decided to start the party early with a tribute to Jess Day's mad friendship skills.
In the grand tradition of TV friend groups, these besties have a lot of fun, but Jess is the emotional glue that holds them all together. She'll pretend to be your girlfriend at a wedding or throw you a 'jar-worthy' party on a bus with a stripper pole—all while baking chocolate chip cookies. She is a friendship guru, and she's taught us a thing or two about the art of BFF-ing. For example. . .
1. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do for our friends
Like hit them with your car to spare them the emotional pain of seeing an ex on a date.
Jess: I only meant to hit you once. Also, he asked me to hit him.
Schmidt: I'm in a really weird place.
Police Officer: I just need to write a report.
Schmidt: She's not a criminal. She was being a friend.
Jess: I hit him because I care about him.
2. Everybody deserves a second chance
After Julia makes fun of Jess for breaking for birds, baking, and whimsy, Jess could hold a grudge. Instead, she befriends Julia, inviting her into the lair of lady-bonding special-time . . .
Jess: Hey, Julia? You want to crochet with us?
3. Friends don't let friends give up
When Winston wants to quit Ensembell, Jess's student handbell quartet, she won't let him quit on the ragtag group of teens.
Jess: If you tell them they aren't good, that's one more person telling them that. That's a big deal to me, making sure no one else gives up on them. Even if they sound like a guy covered in bells falling down a staircase that's also made of bells.
4. Be honest when your friend is crossing the line
Especially when that friend is Schmidt.
Schmidt: That's why I'm gonna have to White Fang her.
Jess: Schmidt, come on! Look, I try not to judge what you guys do, but please don't tell me things like that.
5. Know when to say you're sorry
After making fun of Cece's career, Jess learns that modeling isn't as easy as it looks.
Jess: I'm really sorry about what I said last night 'cause this is hard. It is just pointing at stuff, but it's hard.
Cece: You make it look a lot harder.
Jess: No, you're brave. You've always been braver than me.
6. Stand up for your friends
Even when they stab someone with a terrible homemade invention: Real Apps.
Jess [to Russell]: That's where I live, and those are my friends. And that wasn't even the first stabbing this month. And Russell, my life is just as important as your life. And if you wanna get with me, you're gonna have to get with my friends, and that is a Spice Girls' song.
7. Do whatever you can to help a friend in need
Even if your back-scratching makes other people feel weird.
8. Get real with your friends when they're not dealing with their problems
When Schmidt escapes reality and joins a drum circle, Jess gives some much-needed advice.
9. Just be cool with your friends' friends
Although, enough is enough with the monkey/cracker song.
Jess: I love Cece, and these are Cece's friends, so I should be able to get along with them. I should be able to deal with the fact that they think I look like a monkey from a Russian cracker ad. Whatever. It's Cece's birthday. It's her special night. I can get drunk and point at furniture if that means I can spend some quality time with my BFF.
10. Some friendships are just meant to be