Santina Muha
March 22, 2013 8:00 am

I would consider myself to be a faithful girl…now. But before the age of 16, I cheated on every single boyfriend I had. You know you did it, too. You watched a show or a movie or a music video with your best friend and pretended your crush was your boyfriend. You pretended it so hard you started to believe it could happen. You may have even gotten in some fights with your friends over these guys. If you claimed a guy, that was it – He was yours. Your friend was just going to have to pick the second best guy. You don’t mess with romantic fantasy shotgun.

And if you’re like me, you had several boyfriends at the same time. Here are just some of mine, with a little story about our love.

First and foremost forever: Dylan McKay on Beverly Hills, 90210

Everyone who knows me knows I have loved Luke Perry since I first laid eyes on him in the halls of West Bev. The only other girl in this world who was allowed to share him with me was Brenda Walsh. (And Toni Marchette was acceptable, but I’m not going to lie and say I wasn’t more than ready to console him when she was killed). I had posters of him lining my walls as a child, along with playing cards, his doll, a giant pin, and whatever other Dylan swag I could find. Throughout the years, I have supported Luke’s acting career as much as possible (even though I can’t get into those westerns he does), and am on constant lookout for him on the streets of LA. Even if I don’t meet him until he’s 70 years old, it will still be my goal to kiss him on the mouth.

Benny the Jet Rodriguez on The Sandlot

If you’ve ever seen The Sandlot, which you should have, then you will know exactly why I loved Benny the Jet. He was cool, and nice, and a hero, and a legend, and the hottest 12 year old ever. I shotgunned Benny the first time I ever watched the movie with my BFF Jen, and so she got stuck with Yeah-Yeah, who was totally cute, but no Benny. Years later Jen told me Benny had been cheating on me the whole time with her. I’m still pissed.

Tony Lucca on The Mickey Mouse Club

Tony Lucca, one of the stars of The New MMC was one of my first older men. If you remember the Mickey Mouse Club cast with Justin, Britney, Christina and Ryan Gosling, you might remember Tony Lucca. He was always paired up with Keri Russell (who I was jealous of the whole time, obviously). I wasn’t religiously watching The Voice last year, but one day I had it on in the background and heard his name as a contestant. It was amazing. I hadn’t thought about him in years. Since then I have started following him on Instagram and we are back together.

Justin Timberlake

Duh. I had a mini crush on JTT when he was a little boy on the MMC, but as you will read above, my true love at that time was the more mature, 16 year old Tony Lucca. So it wasn’t until his bleached blond *NSync days that my true obsession began. And this one really did border on obsession. When asked, “Who is Santina’s boyfriend?,” I had my one year old brother trained to respond, “Justin Timberwake.” I obviously hated Britney Spears’ guts (even though I still secretly loved all of her songs and videos). I went to the concerts and cried when I thought he looked in my general direction in any way. (By the way, remember my BFF Jen? Her *NSync BF was JC. The only time he ever cheated on her with me was during their “No Strings Attached” HBO concert version of “Digital Getdown.” Don’t worry, I told her.) I have since moved on from Justin, although we had an amicable breakup in the end, and I wish him the best in everything he does.

Jordan Catalano on My So Called Life

Jordan was probably my sexiest boyfriend to date. I mean, a musician who cuts school and drinks and smokes and won’t commit or admit he loves you?! What could be sexier to a budding teenage girl?! The scene where he finally grabs Angela’s hand in the hallway while Buffalo Tom plays in the background – OMG, that was vicariously the best day of my life.

Steve on Full House

Sorry, DJ Tanner, but Steve and I had a thing on the side. Even when he went on to do Aladdin, I had a crush on his cartoon persona. I would think that’s weird, but I’m pretty sure most guys would bang Jessica Rabbit if given the chance, so I’m gonna go with it’s normal…

Jonathan Taylor Thomas on Home Improvement and in the ’90s in general

If you are in your twenties and didn’t love JTT, I don’t know if we have much else to talk about. He was adorbs. And the only reason I watched a show about home improvement as a young girl. Thank you Tiger Beat and BOP! for providing me with photos of my love. I’ve heard a few rumors about JTT’s current status. I don’ t know exactly what he’s up to these days, but I’m glad we dated when I had the chance.

Shawn on Boy Meets World

Why do good girls like bad guys? I remember one time in middle school we had to make a diagram of a town and keep a theme throughout. Because I was so boy crazy, of course my town was Boyville or something along those lines, and one of the establishments was the Ryder Strong bicycle gym (I also had the Brad Peach Pitt, the Tom Cruise Travel Agency, and you could go fishing in the Scott Baio). Shawn needed a girl like me to tame him. I was his Topanga.

Ted on Hey, Dude

Ted, who was the coolest and cutest summer camp counselor at the Bar None Dude Ranch, gave me hope that the cute guy might pick the brunette over the blond after all. Even though I always thought Melody was the prettiest, Ted loved Brad, and so I had to be Brad when we played Hey Dude. He was funny and a little rude and always getting himself into and out of trouble. Kind of like the Zach Morris of Arizona.

Jordan Knight

Jordan was my fave New Kid on the Block, rat tail and all. I had NKOTB sheets and pillowcases and I would kiss his face on my pillowcase every night before bed. Unless we were in a fight because I saw him do something flirty on MTV that day, like kiss another fan on the cheek. Then I would flip my pillow over and kiss Joey Mac goodnight. Hangin’ Tough love.

Mike Seaver on Growing Pains

Now I’ve really put myself in a situation – I was dating Candace Cameron’s onscreen boyfriend on Full House, her Uncle Jesse (did I forget to mention that…?) and also her real life brother! She must really think I’m a floozy. Anyway, here we go again with the trouble makers. But I always loved his cute little smile. Another thing I loved about Mikey was that, much like me in those days, he was always going for the older catch. Remember when he snagged the babysitter, Julie?! I was jellin’ hard. I remember exactly which Kid Cuisine I was eating for dinner when she left him. For the record, Mike Seaver has changed and we are so done.

Pacey Witter on Dawson’s Creek

Oh, Pacey. Even though he was my boyfriend, I still wanted Joey to pick him. He was the better choice, and I needed Katie Holmes to help me show the world. It was validation of my taste in men when she chose him again and again. Pacey’s Creek for life.

OK, so some of you are mad at me for finding out now that your boyfriends were cheating on you with me, and some of you are mad I didn’t mention any of your boyfriends on this list. But believe me, I have had more TV boyfriends throughout the years than I can list, and I’m sure there’s going to be some crossover. So don’t hate the player – hate the game – the game of pretend boyfriends.

Photos via fanpop.com and sodahead.com

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