Candace Ganger
April 03, 2015 5:57 am

About ten years ago, I received a letter in the mail with no return address. When I opened the flap, a small newspaper cutout from the Auto section was tucked inside. The clipping just said “wheels” and I fell over and laughed so hard, I think I peed a little. This is just one reason my BFF rocked. She remembered obscure jokes and months later, she’d send something like this (which, BTW, is just a reference to what a family member calls a car but it’s always cracked us up; we’re entertained easily).

When you have a best friend, it’s only natural the two of you have a few quirks outsiders may deem, err, uh, strange. Mailing odd newspaper clippings with no point of reference? Mm hmm. Spoon-feeding each other in a crowded restaurant because it’s so amazing you have to share? Yes. Grooming each other in public the way monkeys do? Obviously. It’s a social thing.

If you find yourself expressing any of the above or below forms of bizarro affection, don’t fret! You and your BFF are solid and that’s all that matters. So groom and spoon-feed to your hearts’ content.

You share every.little.detail.

Most people probably don’t need to know about that ingrown hair you’ve been trying to tweeze or the number of times you’ve changed underwear for the day or even what dates you’ll be MIA due to your monthly friend, but your BFF actually wants to know these things. S/he is staring at their phone waiting for it. Trust.

Snuggling is the best.

There have been times in my life where all I’ve had to hold onto were the arms of my bestie and all was right in the world. We’ve held hands, stroked each other’s hair, and hugged for lengths of time that might make professional spooners uncomfortable. But to us, it’s part of what makes us close . Rest assured, if you feel all kinds of safe and happy snuggled up with your BFF, you’re in good company.

Your plans for the future involve your BFF.

You’re not going to move into that house unless there’s one for sale next door. And that job? Only if you’ll have enough free time to still take your weekly spin class together. Plan on having children? Only when your BFF is ready so you can be preggers at the same time. There are SO MANY life decisions, but the bottom line is it’s only a yes if the BFF is included.

In case people don’t know, you’re a package deal

If you’re still in the dating pool, it’s completely normal to want your bestie’s opinion on who you’re going out with. In this realm of bestie-hood, it’s even more normal to expect that the people you’re dating know right off the bat you and your friend go together like rama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong.

Texting too much? Psht. Never.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve just spent the entire day and night together or that you’ll see each other bright and early. You HAVE to tell your BFF your thoughts on what’s in the fridge. LIKE NOW! “Only ketchup, a few baby carrots, and a sad, sad, tube of cookie dough left.” And when s/he responds with what’s in his/her fridge? BEST. FEELING. EVER.

That non-verbal “OMG” look? Your BFF will get it.

You’re at a party and spot the same thing at the same time so what do you do? Casually glance at each other with a specific amount of eye contact. You get it. H/she gets it. This is the language of awesome. No words necessary. Bam. Done.

Nudity ain’t no thang.

It’s fair to say I’ve seen my BFF au natural more than my own body. All the borrowing of clothes and late night quick-changes after being out, no biggie. They’re just parts that most humans have.

Besties who bathroom together, stay together.

To say there’s an obvious lack of stalls is an understatement. There have been a ridiculous amount of times my bestie and I not only went to the bathroom together, but shared the same stall to save time. We’re efficient like that.

Use of the words “best friends” from anyone else makes you territorial.

She’s mine, back off. I mean, of course you’re friends. How could you not love her? But seriously, back off.

If you’re worried you and your BFF are in the weird zone when it comes to your friendship, don’t be. It’s all normal. And if anyone thinks otherwise, flash your bestie that silent glance and talk about it telepathically. Because that’s what makes you two so awesome.

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