Jessica Wakeman
June 08, 2016 4:54 am
Comedy Central

1. Why you will never, under any circumstances, tell anyone today what your first AOL screen name is.

2. Not to call/text while “The Bachelor” is on.


3. What to order for you if the waiter comes while you are in the bathroom.

4. You’re not just being a picky eater — you really are allergic to onions.

Touchstone /


5. Exactly how to calm down your mom when she’s freaking out. Hey, SHE completely loves you to bits, too. They get each other!

Fox /

6. Where you got that weird scar over your left eyebrow. (No, it was not from a duel with a pirate, despite what you tell new people.

Disney /

7. Your “Starbucks name.”


8. Exactly how much time everyone has before you get HANGRY.

9. Why you get emotional anytime you see a golden retriever  (because you miss your childhood dog SO MUCH, even to this day).


10. Why you’re afraid of commitment . . . but also want to be in a relationship . . . but also are afraid of commitment.

Universal /

11. That you’ve gotten this far because of friends like her . . . and you can’t wait for 20 more.