What to do when your BFF grows up before you do
Our closest friends are the people we would never even dream of walking away from. So why is it when one of our strongest alleys begins to walk five steps ahead of us we fight to keep it the same or even worse — give up on the beautiful friendship.
As we creep closer to adulthood the friends we have so happily had by our side begin to slowly slip away to create their own adult worlds. This world often includes marriage, babies, relocating, or fancy new jobs. Any number of these changes is bound to send a friendship into a tailspin, but if there is anything this friend has learned it is that true friendship can prevail!
When a bestie starts to become an adult well before you are ready to, there are several steps you can take to ensure the relationship will stay intact. It doesn’t require changing your lifestyle; it is simply a matter of realizing why it was so important to you in the first place.
Don’t hold it against them.
The WORST thing you can do when a friend is leaping ahead of you in life is making them feel bad for it. Getting married or having a baby is a really big freaking deal and your friend is going to look to you for a wealth of support. Don’t be the girl who let’s them down, be the girl who jumps in the air with them terrified over what will happen next in your big, beautiful lives. Of course babies and marriages are not the only game changers in life so note that this advice applies to pretty much everything.
Be honest no matter how much it sucks.
The only true way to survive life-altering changes in a friendship is by being totally honest and by that I do not mean telling your friend that their new job is going to kill all your hang time. The honesty should come into play when you feel like your efforts are not being reciprocated. If your friend makes a habit of never getting back to your calls or texts when they use to answer them right away, this might be the perfect area to practice honesty. It’s a matter of speaking up when you are hurt and sharing your fears of what is ahead in your friendship.
Show an interest in their new path.
We are constantly sharing our hobbies and life events with our friends regardless of whether they are interested. We get excited over our successes and interests and sharing those with your closest pals is natural. That said, you want to support your friend in their new chapter and not only that you want to show your excitement. There is literally nothing worse than telling someone the good news only to be met with a nonchalant “cool” as a response.
Make time for each other. No, seriously. Make time!
Whether it’s babies, marriage, career, or location, a massive lifestyle change can automatically mean less time to spend with your friends. In order to keep your friendship on track you need to provide a little more TLC than usual. This could mean planning a head for the time you want to spend together and actually sticking to it. Making plans can often be easier than following through, but the only way for this to truly work is to commit to the date.
Remember why you became friends in the first place.
You are going to have times of doubt as your friendships evolve and that is perfectly normal. Our own insecurities are a strong factor, but when it really comes down to it the extra work required to make an adult relationship flourish needs to feel worth it. This is the time in your relationship when you need to reflect back on how and why you became besties in the first place. Once you get back to the roots of your meaningful friendship you will quickly realize why all the extra hoops you may have to jump through will be totally worth it.
The main take away here is to make an effort. You must put in the work to keep the relationship alive just like you would your boyfriend or girlfriend. We are not robots and should never treat each other as such. A friend’s new journey should make you hopeful and energized, not sad and dreadful. Especially since your turn to walk down the aisle or waltz into a new corner office will eventually come and when it does you will want your BFF to show you the same love and respect that you did her.