Sammy Nickalls
February 12, 2015 6:00 am

There are great, true, wonderful friends and then there’s that one person who reads your mind. She’s your bestie and together you guys share a wavelength on another level. You basically have walkie-talkies implanted in your hearts. It’s a crazy, brilliant, psychically awesome friendship, and it comes with some unique superpowers and, let’s just say, tendencies:

You can read each others’ expressions like nobody’s business.

You can look at your BFF when you’re hanging out with other people and know that even though she’s smiling and nodding right now, she’s really thinking, “God, please, just stop talking” or “Yeah, I totally disagree with this person but I’m not gonna say anything” or “I’d rather be eating pizza and Netflixing with my bestie right now.” Basically, everyone else sees a human being nodding her head in approval, but you know she only nods that fast and with sudden frequency when she wants a conversation to end. You also know it’s totally different from her slower, deeper-dipping nod, which means “I TOTALLY get you.” You get that nod a lot.

God help the person you just started dating, because your bestie bodyguard is watching.

When I started dating someone back in college, my BFF pulled him aside and uttered these words: “If you hurt her, I will serve your balls to you on a silver platter.” I kid you not. This is why we love our besties: because they’ve got our backs. They’re the bodyguards for our hearts.

You guys are more lovey-dovey than even the most intense of couples.

You and your BFF cuddle like you’re gonna be together forever (because you are, for real). And when alcohol is involved, the drunken texts of adoration you send each other are like something straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel—if Nicholas Sparks novels were riddled with typos.

Actually, you guys kinda get jealous of other friends, much like a couple.

If you hear your best friend talk a lot about another friend, you feel a little pang of jealousy inside, almost like a jealous S.O. And oh boy, when someone calls your BFF their BFF, there’s hell to pay.

Together, you can make any activity THE BEST THING EVER.

My BFF and I became true friends during a particularly boring English class via drawing stupid doodles and passing them to each other. When it’s true bestiehood, you can make any situation fun, be it a boring assembly, a weird family gathering, or a college lecture.

When you hang out with your friends without her, everyone’s a little confused.

Whenever I’d go to a college party alone, everyone would ask me where my BFF was. And I’d tell them, because I always knew, obvs. When you spend so much time with your best friend, people are so used to seeing you together that it’s weird to see you alone, like you’re half of a twin pop.

You know exactly what to do to cheer your BFF up whenever she’s sad, and she knows what you need, too.

Here’s the remedy to make my BFF happier: Stouffer’s mac and cheese, wine, and videos of soldiers returning home to their dogs. Well, the last one makes her cry—but happy tears. When one of you is sad, it’s best friend to the rescue! You have a mental list of everything that will make her feel better, and you’d bet anything that she has a list for you, too.

You buy each other seriously weird “this reminded me of you” trinkets.

I once bought my best friend a little bonsai tree and named him Khal Drogo. I’ve also bought her a Fozzie mug and a stuffed animal llama. Anyone who looks at either of your credit card bills may think that your cards were stolen because you buy each other so much weird junk. But you guys spare no expense on weird gifts (because, duh, Fozzie mugs are awesome and the person you love most should own one).

You can ask each other the weirdest and/or nastiest questions with no fear of judgment. 

From sex advice to poop questions, you guys have covered every topic from here to Timbuktu. In fact, come to think of it, you’re happy other people don’t hear most of what you guys talk about. Also, you could blackmail each other with all of the pictures you guys take making horrifyingly ridiculous faces. For some reason, you two have an ongoing competition going involving sending the most insane expressions humanly possible. You’re not totally clear on how to win it, but you’re pretty sure the nastiest face wins.

You’re her cheerleader, and vice versa.

When one of you gets a promotion, the response via text generally looks something like this: “YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYAYAYAYAYAYA YOU ARE A SUPERSTAR AND AN ANGEL OMG LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU AHHHHHHHHHH” You might as well buy each other some sparkly pom poms.

Whenever you fight, it feels like the world is falling apart, but the fights don’t last long, obvs.

You guys barely ever fight, but when you do, it’s worse than anything you’ve ever experienced. No matter what the fight is about, within just a short amount of time, you make up, because no fight is worth the stress of not having your BFF around.

No matter the distance, you’re ALWAYS thinking about each other.

Though you’d love the thought of living together forever, you know that life will separate you—college, graduation, jobs, or steady relationships. But the separation will only be physical, because you will still talk all the time. After all, what would life be without your main squeeze?

Besides, here’s the best part: when you see them after a long time, the hug will be legendary. <3

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