Ali Segel
July 14, 2014 5:45 am

I’m not trying to brag, but there are a few things that I’m an expert at in life: ordering in Chinese food, watching all the Netflix, and texting all day long. And when I text, I don’t just stick to one demographic. Oh no, no, no. I’m a digital anthropologist, and I like to do my work out in the field. I text with my girlfriends, their boyfriends, my guy friends, my doctor, therapists, delivery guys, CVS auto refill, my mom, bosses, ex-bosses, ex-boyfriends, crushes, and landlords.

I’ve fought via text, I’ve flirted, I’ve maintained long distance relationships, I’ve gone through breakups, I’ve talked about my problems and I’ve helped others through theirs. I’ve made plans, I’ve been passive-aggressive, and I’ve written paragraphs when I should’ve written one word.

So it’s no surprise that after doing this for nearly 28 years, I’ve become an expert at both writing and decoding tricky texts. I’m like the Veronica Mars of texting.

Do you guys recognize some of these texts below? Here’s what I think they really mean.

1.  Ok/K

Sorry to hear that you and your friend hate each other. How long has that been going on for? But seriously, nothing infuriates or annoys me more than receiving a text message that just says K or Ok. Like, are you mad at me? So sorry to bother you! I feel like I deserve a full sentence. Unless you are running late and are straightening your hair (I’m stuck in the year 2000), I never want to see the word K on my iPhone screen. Unless it’s that this post got like 2K+ shares.

2. The ‘….’ Type Bubble

Pet peeve: when the type bubble appears and disappears throughout the day.  Especially if it’s in a conversation with a crush, or if I’m waiting for an important response.  It’s like HELLO, I can see you!

Waiting for responses from people can be stressful. so I’ve come to this important conclusion:

3. :)))))))))))))

You are texting with your mom, aunt, or grandmother. Please teach her how to use emojis!

4. Call me/Can we talk

Oooh girl. You’re in trouble. Your friend just found out about that secret you’ve been hiding and she wants to call you out on it. She knows what you did last summer and she wants to discuss it VIA PHONE, voice to voice, the scariest means of communication possible. Good luck with that one.

5. Ha

Your friend read your joke. They don’t think it’s funny. The good news is that they’re still trying to be polite!

6. Gagagaa/bahabahhaha

What my phone autocorrects haha to. Is this a thing for anyone else? I’d also like to acknowledge my two most awkward haha auto fails: the one time hahahaha was changed to “banana” and the other time it was changed to “vajayjay” on my phone. Get your act together and your mind out of the gutter, Siri.

Do you have any favorite/least favorite texts to receive, or any funny stories of autocorrect fails? Share in the comment section!

Photos from author’s personal account, emojis from digitaltrends.com, “haha” photo from rebloggy.com, featured image via Shutterstock

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