9 signs your best friend is emotionally draining you
In an ideal world, every genuine friendship ever formed would prosper to the fullest extent, blossoming into a lifetime of wonderful memories and bonding experiences. Sounds peachy, but in reality the person you’re closest to can suddenly transform into the friend who is absolutely draining you and chipping away at your emotional well-being with every single interaction. Yeah, not ideal.
But it happens. Somewhere along the line, the person you’ve come to know and love as your best friend can turn into your worst nightmare; a toxic, self-absorbed shadow of her former BFF-worthy self. Things can become so one-sided that you question whether you should end the friendship altogether.
If you’re on the brink of a parting of the ways with your bestie but really aren’t sure if this turn of events is legitimate or if you’re being super sensitive, here are some signs that your best friend is emotionally draining you.
1Your bestie vents to you nonstop.
From never-ending relationship troubles and problems at work to family issues and just basically hating the fact that nothing goes her way, none of the convos between you and your bestie are about light-hearted topics.
Basically, you’re her personal sounding board…whose solid advice she routinely ignores. Sadly, you’re starting to feel more like her therapist than an actual friend in a mutually beneficial relationship.
2She never asks how you’re doing.
The updates on your life, what you think about the newest season of Orange is the New Black, politics, travel and any other feelings you have are all relegated to a dusty corner, overshadowed by the latest dramatic occurrence or complaint she wants to discuss.
3She has an endless list of needs and relies on you to fulfill all of them.
Whether it’s loaning her money, pet-sitting, giving her a ride to work, or (temporarily) rescuing her from another problem, she needs you at all times because she honestly couldn’t handle any of her crises without you at her beck and call.
4But she never returns the favor. Ever.
Forget calling her for some advice or asking her to watch your dog while you take a weekend trip. It’s not gonna happen, especially because you get the distinct feeling that she’s dodging your calls (until her next crisis, of course).
5You feel better when she’s not around.
Given the status of your friendship, you have some guilt for feeling this way, but it’s hard to ignore how much better things go for you when you’re not dealing with her energy-sucking presence.
6She’s never happy for you.
Which kind of makes sense, because she’s just generally not a happy person anyway. She frowns when you tell her about that new promotion, barely noticed when you showed up with a killer new tattoo, and she’s so caught up on how you managed to book a summer vacay overseas that she can’t even share in your excitement.
Um, that’s all good, but back to her problems, tho…
7Her problems are always bigger/worse/more pressing than yours.
Had a shitty day at work? Huh, well hers was twice as bad. You’ve grown so exhausted with trying to get her to stop invalidating your emotions and your experiences that you’d be better off talking to a wall. (You know — you’ve tried.)
8She uses guilt trips when you’re not there for her.
This makes you feel like she prioritizes her wants and needs over yours, which couldn’t be further from the actual definition of friendship.
9You avoid telling her your issues.
Back in better friendship days, there used to exist a mutual exchange of problems. You talked, she listened, and vice versa. But nowadays, speaking on your issues only allows her to cut you off and shift the conversation back to her problems, so you opt for radio silence even when you desperately need to talk through things with your bestie.
If one or more items on this list resonates with you, take them as red flags that your friendship might be toxic, and give some consideration to the possibility that you may need to put some distance between you and your not-so-bestie to determine whether the relationship is even worth salvaging.