Jealousy can kill any relationship, no matter what kind it is. But somehow even worse than the green-eyed monster destroying a romantic relationship is when you start to notice the signs that your best friend is jealous of you. Like, your best friend is supposed to have your back! And don’t they know how amazing you think they are? If your friend is jealous of you, it means something in the relationship is a little off. And it probably means your friend is going through some stuff, too, because, well, they’re your best friend and it likely hasn’t always been like this. Even though you can empathize with your friend — everyone gets a little jealous sometimes — you do have to address it with them, because their jealousy can hurt you too.
If your friend’s jealous of something in your life, not only are you both going to be hurting from it, but you sort of can’t count on them to help you out when you need it.
Friends do more than help you with relationship or work problems — they also root for you! Like you do for them, they’re supposed to be your person no matter what. Whether you’re making more money than they do or just celebrated a life event (like an engagement or a baby) that they reallyreallyreally want too, it’s no good when your friend is jealous.
Whatever you do, don’t let this stuff fester. If you notice these signs that your best friend is a little green with envy in time, you can address the problems, talk it out, and be better off for it.
1They always have to win.
Hey, we get that coming out on top is always fun. But if something good happens to you, or you even just buy a fancy bronzer, and they always have to upstage you, something’s wrong. A friendship isn’t a competition, and having “the best” of everything is not the goal of a healthy relationship.
2They call everything “unfair.”
Let’s say you’re having a really good summer on Tinder. Like, your dates are fun, you’re getting laid, no drama. And they’re striking out in the love department. It’s one thing to self-deprecate and joke about how they are striking out, but if they’re using language such as “unfair,”something is a little off.
3They put you down.
Bullies come in all forms. It’s possible your friend that’s always trying to “fix” what you’re wearing or your hairstyle or how you do things is just straight-up jealous. It wouldn’t at all be unusual for someone to mock someone else’s new off-the-shoulder ruffle top if they actually wished they looked that great in one. If someone’s coming down on you in weird little ways, they could be jealous.
4They don’t listen to your good news.
Have you ever run into an ex and they told you they were getting married…six months after you guys broke up, but since you aren’t petty, you smile through gritted teeth and say, “I’m so happy for you!” in the shrillest voice ever? (Come on, you definitely have, or at least you’ve been in a similar situation.) If your friend reacts that way when you tell her you landed the dream job or paid off your student loans, they’re probably jelly.
5They don’t support you. At all.
Considering they’re your friend, it’s super strange that when something great happens to you, they don’t even notice. They change the subject when you start to talk about ~your stuff~ or make it sound like it’s not a big deal. “Oh, I studied abroad in Paris. It’s alright,” is not a proper response to you telling them that your S.O. is surprising you with a European vacation for your birthday.
6They’re negative in general.
Being around a Debbie Downer is hard. It’s even harder when the bad vibes are directed at you. So when you tell your friend you went home with the CUTEST person from the bar last night after they left and they tell you that “there weren’t that many hot people there last night anyway,” they’re being a Jealous Jerk.
7They’re always comparing.
If they’re constantly focusing on how you maybe grew up with more (or less) money than they did or went to a “better” school or otherwise making it sound like your successes aren’t really yours, they’re being super jealous (and just being an ass).
It stinks when you realize that your friend is jealous of you. Sometimes, the relationship can be salvaged by talking about it and digging in. Other times, it might just be best to break up with your jealous friend. Either way, it’s gotta be nipped in the bud, because jealousy is almost always a symptom, not the actual problem. Good luck!