Karen Fratti
June 26, 2017 4:25 pm
Blumhouse Productions

Having a partner your friends don’t like is not easy, but it can often be chalked up to personality difference. It’s another story, however, when your friends hate your other half. It’s true that only you can really know what goes on in your relationship, but your friends care about you, and when they nitpick at the person you’re so into, it’s almost always because they are looking out for your best interests. And while they might be totally off base, it’s also possible that your friends are seeing something about your relationship that your love-struck haze is preventing you from seeing clearly. The fact is, sometimes your friends hating on your S.O. have a point.

Don’t get defensive when your friends tell you how they really feel about your person.

You should hear them out. If they’re being totally ridiculous or jealous or just plain mean about something, then you can ignore them and carry on with your romance. But if you can sort of see where they’re coming from, there might be more to it than just your friends wanting 100 percent of you 100 percent of the time.

Often, friends and family will be the first to notice a toxic or abusive relationship. It’s not your fault: Toxic and and abusive relationships always seem to come out of nowhere, and sometimes you’re too far into it to notice that things with your S.O. are not right.

Here are some signs that you should listen when your friends hate your partner.

1They’re not the only ones missing you

It’s hard to balance your social life with a new relationship, and usually friends are the ones to start missing you first. A common complaint from friends about an S.O. is that they take up too much time. What counts as “too much” is for every person to decide for themselves, but if you find you’re missing out on social events or your old routines — like that spinning class you like or going to see bands you love — all in the name of your partner’s new role in your life, your friends might have a point.

2Your partner stirs the pot

No one wants to hear that people don’t like them, but if your partner talks smack back about your friends or instigates the drama, take a minute to reflect. When every gathering turns into a loud Real Housewives of Orange County-type fight among all of the people in your life, something is clearly wrong.

3Fights are your most frequent activity

Fighting is normal in a relationship, but if you’re stuck in a cycle of simply fighting and then making up, without any other fun in between, something is very off. Sometimes, the fighting and reconciling process can be almost addictive. But it’s toxic. Notice how many days of the week you spend either mad at your partner or apologizing to them for something they think you did wrong. Your friends just don’t want you to get hurt, and they might spot unhealthy cycles in your relationship before you do.

4You only see their friends

This is pretty extreme, but toxic people will isolate you from the people you care about most. Just because your friends don’t like your partner doesn’t always meant that you have to stop seeing them. But if your partner responds by demanding you don’t hang with them, or spends your social time sulking and texting you, that’s no way to live.

5It’s the same old thing

Your friends are basically obligated to listen to you vent about your issues with a partner. It just comes with the BFF territory. But eventually they might tell you that enough is enough. If you find yourself complaining about a partner for the same thing, such as cheating or the way they talk to you, listen to your friends. We’re forgiving and want to see the best in others — but don’t forget that people can’t always change.

6The party never ends

A lot of drama stems from people drinking too much or doing drugs. If partner might have an alcohol or substance abuse problem, and you’re the one who’s taking care of them — in whatever way that means — your friends likely see how draining it can be, and probably before you do. Addiction issues can lead to a lot of relationship stress, and you would have to be an actual professional to know how to handle it. Don’t carry the weight all alone. Get your partner help or find a healthy way to support them — and accept that that might mean doing what’s best for yourself and walking away.

Every relationship is different, so you really do just have to listen to your gut and go with what it tells you. If your friends hate your partner and it’s affecting your mental health and your relationship, something could very well be wrong, as opposed to just the product of a personality clash. Give your friends the benefit of the doubt if they’re insisting that your relationship is no good. They might have a point.

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