Having a bestie is an incredible feeling. If you’re in your 20s or 30s, you might have noticed a lot of changes in the relationship. While it’s always great to grow together, there are definitely things you should never judge your best friend for. Yes — it’s good to be there for him or her no matter what, but sometimes as we get older, we get a little (ahem) judgmental.
Granted, that doesn’t mean that your BFF should always get a pass. Even though it’s a sad topic, sometimes friendships end based on incompatibility. If you feel like calling your bestie is a chore or fear hanging out with them (since it’s always a weirdly negative experience) it may be time to part on decent terms.
But, the items below? These are things that shouldn’t make you think ill thoughts about the guy or girl you could trust with anything.
1They’re currently too busy to hang out.
Every once in awhile, life gets in the way. While it’s nice to have a standard day to hang out, you need to be understanding. There’s definitely a difference between a friend ghosting you, and a friend being too stressed with work and family life. If it’s the latter, be understanding, and see if there’s any way you can help lighten the load.
2They’re (painfully) truthful.
So, the guy or girl you’re dating has been kind of a jerk recently, but you’ve still got feelings. If you’re looking to your best friend for wise words of encouragement, don’t get mad if they tell it like it is. Your best friend is simply looking out for you — and if your significant other isn’t treating you right, your bestie has an obligation to speak up about his or her worries. And, truth goes beyond relationships. If you ask a question, you can’t fault your bestie for giving an honest answer.
3The way they spend their money.
Finances are a tricky thing. And unless your bestie is taking advantage of you (as in, always having you treat for coffee dates) you need to remember that their financial life is their own. If you think they shouldn’t have bought that new car after getting reduced hours at work, you have a right to that thought — but, you shouldn’t openly judge them. Your friend is an adult, and unless they’re knee deep in debt and can’t seem to get out of a shopping addiction, you shouldn’t be the person to judge every individual purchase.
4Their questionable fashion phases.
Just because Miley wore it doesn’t mean that everyone should wear it. But if they’re in the midst of something that you’d call a fashion crisis — but they seem happy and confident — you shouldn’t judge them for trying to follow a trend. Surely they’ll laugh it off in a few years, but their style isn’t necessarily hurting anyone.
5Cutting things off with the guy or girl you really adored.
We’ve all been in a situation like this — our bestie dates someone wonderful but ends up breaking it off. In a way, we feel like we’ve suffered a loss as well. Instead of shaming them, or making them feel like no future guy could measure up to the ex, remember that you don’t really know what happened in that relationship. She could tell you that she was incompatible with him, but perhaps he was actually verbally abusive. Or, maybe his or her family was truly the worst over the last holiday break. Just let it go, and let your bestie enjoy single life for awhile.
6Temporarily getting off track, as far as a career is concerned.
We’ve all had bumpy roads in the past — and while it’s strange that your best friend is leaving her lucrative accounting job to work at a nail salon, it’s not wrong. Perhaps she’ll realize she’s “going down the wrong path” somewhere down the line, or maybe she’s always secretly loved salon work and has finally mustered to courage to go her own way. You’ll want to be supportive no matter what.
7Becoming a little distant at the start of a new relationship.
Yeah, it hurts — but you’ve probably done it too. When a new guy or girl comes along, it’s easy to somewhat get lost in a pile of romantic emotions. Let your bestie enjoy the honeymoon period — in a few weeks, they’ll resurface and thank you for not taking the mini-break seriously. (Also, don’t judge them for monopolizing that first conversation. It’ll be all about their new man or lady. Let it happen, and remember that it’s just temporary.)
8Blowing up your phone on occasion at 2 a.m.
If they’re going through a crisis, he or she knows they can text you whenever, wherever. And vice versa. Some of those chats may be drunk, others may be filled with tears, and some might be filled with nothing but joy and adoration. But one thing’s for sure — you’ll answer them.
9Their sex life.
If it’s dangerous, then you might want to tell them you’re concerned. But if it’s just numbers, you know it’s none of your business. Whether or not your best friend is waiting until their wedding day or in the triple digits, you should know that it’s a totally personal decision — and it doesn’t define who they truly are.
10Developing different interests.
Back in high school, you were both into Dashboard Confessional. You both wanted your belly button pierced, and you both were too chicken to actually get it done. You shared the same life views, and could have passed as twins. And while that’s good, people grow in different directions — and not just musically. (Hey, didn’t we all listen to Dashboard back then?) Just because you share different interests doesn’t mean you’re no longer compatible. Unless his or her interests are dangerous or truly offensive, you need to let them do their own thing, judgment free.