Public Service Announcement: foreplay is not optional. Foreplay IS sex.
Unfortunately, in our heteronormative, patriarchal society (ugh), foreplay is generally treated like a skippable appetizer. Far too often, some refer to foreplay as a nuisance or a chore, a means to an end, something they have to get through to get to what they think is the real deal: penetration.
But, according to Planned Parenthood research, as many as 80 percent of women have difficulty achieving orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone.
A woman’s most sensitive nerve endings are found on the outside of her vagina.A woman’s clitoris is packed to the brim with them. For comparison, imagine all of the nerve endings in the penis concentrated into an area the size of a pea. That’s the clitoris. It’s powerful.
But other primary erogenous zones in the female body include the breasts, nipples (nipple-play orgasms are a thing!), butt, perineum (also known as the ‘taint’), the anus, mouth, inner thighs, armpits, navel, neck, and ears.
That’s a lot of erogenous zones, which people too often rush past on the way to penetration.
Memo: a man’s primary erogenous zones are the same. Yes, it’s true. There’s so much more to sex than penis-in-the-hole, and if you aren’t exploring, you aren’t living.
As a video posted to YouTube channel Sexplanations states, the average foreplay time is 13 minutes. Some people wish it would last a few minutes longer, to somewhere around 18 minutes. Or, maybe even be the whole meal.
“Foreplay doesn’t have to build up to something more important,” says Dr. Lindsey Doe, DHS in a video posted to YouTube channel Sexplanations.
“It can be what’s more important,” she continues.
So, be curious, be exploratory. Like, who goes to Six Flags to just ride one ride? Take the entire body into account when doing the deed. Communicate with your partner — ask them what they like, learn what makes them feel electrified. Enjoy the entire experience, without setting sights on a particular outcome, other than to have fun.
And, bonus: a woman’s orgasm threshold drops after her first one. Meaning, it’ll only get easier to bring her to climax after she’s already finished once. That should be very good news, if you’re really clinging to hope that she’ll orgasm during penetration.
In conclusion, we propose getting rid of the F-play word altogether. Let’s just call a spade a spade: it’s SEX. Wonderful, beautiful, nothing-feels-better SEX.