All the feelings I'm feeling today — my wedding day
Last Friday, one of our contributors, Jill Layton, got married. She had the brilliant idea to write down her thoughts on the big day, and then generously share them (along with some rad photos) with the Hello Giggles community. Here’s what was going through her mind:
Today is my wedding day. Weird, right? Not weird in a bad way — weird in a “this is a really important day” kind of way. Like most girls (and let’s be serious — probably a lot of guys), I’ve thought about my wedding day for pretty much ever. So to be able to say, “Today is my wedding day” and have it actually BE my wedding day — not a fake, practice-wedding day I’ve dreamed about in my mind — it’s weird. I’ve been alive for so many days, and this day in particular is the most important one yet (aside from the day I was born. . . that one was pretty good too). But like most brides on their wedding day, I’m ready for it. Because guess what? I don’t have a choice! It’s here. It’s happening. I’m getting married today!
I love my fiancée (soon-to-be wife. . . like, in a few hours) with every ounce of my being. She’s the best part of my every day. She’s thoughtful, compassionate, adventurous, stunningly beautiful, hilarious and she encourages me to be my best self. She’s the reason for so much happiness in my life. We’ve chosen to do life together, because there’s no one else in the entire world we’d rather do it with (maybe Oprah, but only for a few days out of the month — and purely for her wisdom). We planned a wedding across the country, because why plan something nearby when you can do it 2,800 miles away, right? We’ve spent countless hours and countless dollars (JK, definitely keeping track of the dollars on a spreadsheet) preparing for today. And it’s here. We’re doing this.
A lot has been written about how to plan the “perfect” wedding and how to maintain the “perfect” marriage — but not much has been written about the feelings you feel on the actual day of your wedding. So if you’re interested, here are some real, raw feelings I’m feeling at this very moment — hours before I walk down the aisle and commit to a lifetime of togetherness.
This is about to be for forever.
I know I’m making the right decision. I’ve known since day one (OK maybe day two) that Becky is the person I will marry. But weddings naturally come with so much pressure — it’s inevitable. It should be in the definition — “Wedding: a marriage ceremony full of pressure.” Because forever is kind of a long time — so getting it right is important. Even if you’re absolutely 100 percent sure that this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your years with, there’s still a chance you will think to yourself for one teeny tiny second, “Hey self, are you sure?” If the answer is unequivocally yes — proceed. If it’s no — well. . . yikes.
I’m concerned about logistics, but also not concerned.
Are all the vendors here? Are they set up? Seriously, are they? Will someone go find out? These concerns are warranted, but ultimately, vendors know what they’re supposed to do. It’s just hard to emotionally accept that, since I’m not outside making sure everything is being set up the right way (the right way being the way I’ve set everything up in my mind, obviously).
We can legally get married — and that’s incredible.
OK, this one probably won’t cross your mind if you are in a heterosexual relationship. But if you’re a woman marrying a woman like me, or a man marrying a man, it’s pretty fantastic that our marriage actually counts now — just like everyone else.
Did we get enough alcohol?
Everyone knows the best part of a wedding is the alcohol. It’s also the vows and what not — but people want to drink! What if we run out of beer? What if we run out of ice? We won’t run out. We thought this through. Calm down, everyone. But in the very slim chance that we DO run out — we’ll still be married, so at least there’s that.
I hope everyone arrives on time.
We are walking down the aisle at 4:30 pm whether everyone’s here or not. OK fine, maybe we can push it to 4:35 pm if people are late — but DEFINITELY not 4:40 pm. We have a schedule to keep, people.
I hope everyone has a great time.
I’m so happy.
So very, very happy.
I hope I don’t screw up my vows.
Even though I’ll be reading my vows directly off a piece of paper, sometimes reading out loud is hard, you guys. What if I stumble over words? Or worse — what if I can’t get ahold of my emotions? I hate public speaking. Is speaking in front of people who love you considered public speaking? I need some Advil.
I hope my bridesmaids found dresses in the right color.
I probably should have checked in about that. Oops.
Wait, did I eat anything today?
I think I’m hungry. Or is that nerves?
Is it going to rain?
There isn’t a cloud in the sky, but God/the sky tends to be full of jokes — so we are prepared for anything (we’re actually not at all prepared for rain, but don’t tell anyone).
I wish my mom were here.
She would have loved Becky, and Becky would have loved her. I wish she could help me get ready and see me in my dress. I miss my mom today (and every day).
What if I forget every single dance move to our choreographed father-daughter dance?
I’ll just stick with the running man. Running man never fails.
I absolutely cannot wait to see my bride.
I’ve been waiting for this moment since the second day I met her. I’m going to try so hard not to ugly cry — but it’ll probably happen anyway, because duh.
Can someone slow down the day?
So much time and effort has been put into today. It hasn’t even started, but it’s already almost over! Ahhh! I want us to remember every single moment of today. Every everything. Here we go. . .
Featured images via Brooke Mayo Photography